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Phew, that is why people said, when there is a will, there will be a way. And if you work hard and never give up, at the same time pray to the one and only, you can achieve what you desire and even manage to complete the given tasks in which, u find it impossible to solve it last time.

i never thought that i manage to complete both my ASP programming by myself without anyone help. Thru research from the internet, i manage to get the codes run smoothly and with what they clients' want. Alhamdullilah everything is done now. Even with the complicated functions, i manage to solve it. the only thing is that, it took me about 2 months to complete both. To me, not bad la for first time ASP mah and some more, for someone who is noob in programming like me...

2008 will go by soon. finally it ended. despite the year in which i get this job and the part where i met him, other then that, it is NOT a good year for me... it is so NOT good that i do not wish to even type it down here la.. seriously no point writing all over again and get emotional, hurt and anger by all of them.. since 2009 will be saying hello to us, lets smile and welcome 2009 with open arms in hoping it will be better than 2008.... like they said, hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not a dead end where you have to u-turn to the starting point.

starting of the year also meant changes. changes that either you accept it willingly or unwillingly. my heart felt heavy the first time i knew this will happen but then, it is for good as well. at least there will be income coming in. i will support you all the way and will catch you if you fall.

i think i have run out of cash la in my bank... hmm...

i just love to spend time with him. but then, it gets harder when the place is limited and the cash is shortage.. hehe... nevertheless, the company is what we both looking for.

as now, i really, really hate going home. the phrase home sweet home is no meaning for me.. to me, i just said it coz ppl said it now. it is baseless.. i love to be alone in my room and go back when all almost sleep but then, the only thing is that i will get nagging and scolding and thousands of words being used... sigh!!! but then, who care right? hahaha...

i am looking for a night job la.. a flexible one if possible if not fixed time will do. Yah.. i rather work then stay at home... i think i want to earn extra income on top of what i already earned.. So if anyone knows of any opening, SMS me... thank you... hehehehe

it may not be right from the points of them but to us, it is... you taught me a lot and i really appreciate it.. i love it so much when we started to share knowledge or even stories... i just love it... everyday gini pun ok.... hehehe...

ok la, sleepy seh... hehehe... will be off soon.. oh well, Happy Advance New Year to all....

finally, after hours plus days of searching and doing it, it is finally over... my very original skin for my blog... right now, feeling so tired. this long weekend is really boring la. i really got nothing to do. today, the whole day i am staying at home. dragging seh the day...

Well, on Thursday, went out with ma family for lunch and shopping at Expo. Thx to my darling for telling me hor about the sales... hehe... lets see, was supposed to eat at Sakunthalas but then super pack, so change of plan. Went to eat at Islamic Restaurant - Thai cuisine... yummy!! nice nice... spicy i loike....


After that, went to Expo. Worst!! So super CROWDED.. went in and off i went to the shoes corner. Bought for myself 3 pairs of shoes and 1 bed sheet. And then, cannot shop anymore. So sad seh... coz my dad is actually rushing for time and when he saw the queue is super long, he asked me to stop and come back another day. sigh!!!... mood decreased sia... hahaha.... we even cut queue lei.. shhh.... hahahaha......

Then, Home sweet Home for a while.....

After that, went to Airport to fetch my brother and sis-in-law from Japan.. Reached there about midnight and reached home at 3am. The best part, we did not even know the flight number so all we can do is to wait patiently for them to call. hahahaa... ok la all ends well for that day.....

On Friday, went out to Bugis. We watched Hindi movie. hehehe... first time watching Hindi with him. Well, Ghajini.... absolutely stunning. Yes, indeed, Aamir is the right actor for the role... While Surya is just dead sexy, Aamir is just dead cute plus romantically sexy... I cannot tahan la... oh well, the plot is the same, most actors/tress are the same from Ghajini - Surya. The only different is the ending... A touching ending for the Ghajini - Aamir...

Anyway, we enjoyed the movie.... i don't mind watching for the 2nd time... Anyone??? hahaha

After that, we went to have our dinner at the nearby Ayam Penyet restaurant. Ok la the food.. not so nice like the one at Lucky Plaza...


And then we sit down for a while and off we went home in taxi. hahaha.. See, again taxi!!... mana nye kaya je aku nie..... hahahahaha..... reached home 11.30 lor... but then, no one at home so ok la.... hehehe....

See my dad new car, the interior design/colors...

my life is pretty in upbeat music. i have to say that i am enjoying my life more now compared to last time. i am spending my hard earned money on things i love. i am enjoying the night life without hesitation every day. i am enjoying nice and delicious food for dinner every day as well. ever since i am working and having the someone to accompany me, my life turned drastically. i am smiling and laughing more than usual. i can feel the energy in me back. i can feel the hyper and crazy hudz in me. i can feel that i am eager to go out and have more fun either alone or with someone. shopping is a breeze to me now. weeeeee.....

Christmas is just around the corner. i had designed e-card for my company. they loved it and so do i. nice lei... hahaha..puji diri sendiri seh.. tapi ok per.. tk salah... bluek!!! i have planned on activities to do on 24, 25 and even 26. hehehe.. i just cannot wait for the day itself to come. i am so going to watch TWILIGHT. Silay said it is a sad story despite a horror genre. hehehe... k definitely will watched it tomorrow...

i had no idea what to give my boss for Christmas. Any idea??

i had to do programming at work. it is one of my scope. the irony is so strong. i told myself NEVER work under programming line after my POLY years but hey, look where i am now? hahaha... i just need to learn about ASP and JavaScript and despite knowing nuts about ASP, i manage to finish 3/4 of it ALL BY MYSELF. WAH!! even i was amazed by myself.. lol... Anyway!!!

i went to Plaza Singapura the other day for dinner. After that, we lepak2 at Sultan Park. And i started to snap the night light at Plaza Singapura...


And the night light at Singapore River....



and at the starbuck we had our dinner...


and this month, i spend on TAXI like water flowing out... da naik sedap seh... hehe

and i have been eating out for dinner almost everyday after work.... i will be dining at different places each time. Even at restaurant la beb... food marathon a.k.a food testing la... i love it ok... and the best part, after eating that much, i still lose weight. So ok lor!!!.. it makes me smile even more la......

and i am VERY sleepy. this week is the WORST week ever. i have been sleeping early in the morning and wake up LATE for work.. nevertheless i still reached work before 9am. hehe.. this week, i have been forcing my eyes to open. even to the extend of going to toilet at work just to take a short nap. YES.. that sleepy lor. every time i blink my eyes or close it for a while, my mind on the spot went to lalaland. even playing the computer after work is no longer CAN for me. having seen the screen for half a day at work, my eyes get super tired by night. this week, i always sleep with my laptop on. sheesh... the moment, my body hit my bed, my eyes will feel super tired.. teruk nye aku.... sigh!! i am so TIRED AND SLEEPY already NOW la....

Oh yar, my birthday coming... hahahaha... another less then a month time.. WHOA.. tk sabar seh... i will be 25.. sigh!! i feel so old seh... hahahahaha..... my mum bought for me this fur bag... thank you Mak....


oh yar... some of the holiday pictures...


And Yesterday went to have dinner at Sakunthala's Restaurant with him... Trying out different places of food everyday seh.. hehehe... Yummy! Sheesh and now i am hungry already..

OK la, going out later to watch movie and survey for Christmas present....

Everyone has different ways in handling love. What matters is how we understand, compromise and the impt one, on how we give and take. IT IS NOT FAIR TO PUNISH THE CURRENT COZ OF THE PAST and IT IS NOT FAIR TO CHANGE THE PERSON TO SOMEONE YOU WANT THEM TO BE WHEN THE FIRST PLACE YOU LOVE THAT ONE COZ OF SHE IS HERSELF...

i fell asleep with my laptop on yesterday. I was so super tired. I stay alone when my parent go for a 3 days 2 night holiday. I was kind of excited that they agree on me staying on my own. i already have planned for that 3 days. hehehe.. so seriously, those 3 days, i hardly had any sleep. So today at work, i was struggling to keep my eyes open. i cannot even take a short nap. i cannot even close my eyes longer then 5sec coz if i did that, i will be in dreamland already. YES.. that is how sleepy i am.. and now, i can still type this entry... hahahaa....

i feel so miserable today. not to mention sad and confusing. the tears were rolling. i am not sure what to say. i will support you... and respect your decision.. may you be happy always... i may look tough on the outside but inside i am weak. i cannot imagine myself living day by day without you. i find it hard but because of you, i control myself.. i support your decision no matter what it is...

you are always there for me but now something is missing. it is not going to be the same. it will feel weird waking up without calling you. i wish it has a 2nd ending but sadly, only 1 available - separation.

when we did it, we never think of the consequences. we only think about the fun that we will get. but when all are over and we started to sit down and reflected back, the feeling of regret will fill our heart. why can't we think before we did? a question that in fact i cannot even answer it. maybe it is just us as a human being... when we discuss all that we need to discuss, it felt that what we did was not so fun anymore.

the moment we talked about it, you changed. i can feel that you fear to do what you did. you fear to even hold it or even talked about it and deep down, you keep on thinking about it. so many things i told you but i never told you that, i am partly to be blame as well. if not because of me, things will NOT be as it is now. it is not you but it is me. major part of it.

the process that we talked will be something that you never thought it will. it will be difficult and very hard to swallow it. it will be miserable as well, at least on my part. not sure urs.. maybe you can take it. despite that, you know why i did that right? why i have to take such action right? it is for the benefit of both of us as well..

what happened had already happened. there are no such thing as reverse or rewind in life. sadly to say, it is all been recorded and will always be in our mind to haunt us. as for now, all we need to do is to put that aside and make it a lesson learned so we will not be repeating the same mistakes again.

you knew almost all about everything that used to be unknown to you.. it is up to you to judge me. be it a good or bad, with an open heart i will accept. coz i know, there are some LOGICAL in what you said.

after the conversation, i am not myself anymore. i keep on blaming myself for it. i know, if it not coz of me, you will not be like this. you will still be the same old you as how you were when we just get to know each other. i was so down when we said goodbye. i was so NOT myself and i keep on staring at space thinking about all the changes. i cannot believe that everything was pointing at me. i was sad when i know that things will be totally different now. I am grateful that you came back running when you knew that i am in danger. i felt the pinch when i saw your tears that day.

it just feel right but the truth is so the opposite from our dreams. when you said that it will never happened now, i was shocked and confused. coz the answered you gave me last time was totally different. but then again, i realized, it is normal for you to react that way coz you already experienced it. the sweetness is already gone so no point for you to keep on eating it right?

if you read this post, i know you knew in an instant that i was talking about you. what written here are all indirectly of what we both discussed. details will be in private. i am sure you know where to find it right? hopefully...

i am having bad headache.
i am having painful eyes.
i am having fever.
GOSH

i am ABLE to bear all but NOT the pain of my both eyes.
it is like something is inside them.
something sharp..
OUCH

bleed invisibly...

I have been planning for so long, with the help of Keen of course. This coming Tuesday is Izat enlisted NS moment and we decided to make a farewell party a.l.a picnic style for him. And also, for the belated birthday for Keen and Nek. Seriously, to plan this is a big headache. Anyway, with hard planning it was still a success...


We all proceed to the bus stop to board 400. Once alighted, we walked all the way just to find that the path was close. We still went in somehow, walked along the construction site and finally our destination. WHOA, it was beautiful. AMAZING. We laid out the food and the drink on the bench.


But not even 20mins, it was drizzling. So off we went to the another place where have shelter la but then hor, no use la, all of us were wet. The girls were all holding the umbrella and cover the left space (coz that is where the wind is blowing) while the guys were siting down eating..

We did what we did best. Taking pictures. Yes. Again WHOA. with Naz bringing his SLR camera and us being the model and with such breath-taking background, the pictures turned out superb and mesmerizing.... love it to the max....


After Bonz came, we decided that it was time to give the presents. We started with Keen first. It was hilarious la... I asked her to close eyes and then I took out the Elmo and press his belly and put at Keen's ear. The Elmo really reminds me of her... it was cute la esp the laughter part... She was paiseh seh, when everyone looked at her.. hehehe... cute cute.... And then, Izat turn. Again, he also have to close his eyes. So after he close his eyes, Kuro asked him to open his mouth and he put it in. hehe.. it was CUTE la. Yol was so sporting la.. he even sucked that pacifier and pose for the camera. Cute kan..... After that, i gave him, his actual present - the cigarette.


After that, We just talked and enjoying the quiet and romantic moment together.. with the short fireworks...


And off we went home... Bonz was driving so all of us tumpang him to the nearest MRT except for Keen and Me.. Inside the car lagi kelakar. Total 7 org so seriously, Bonz the driver, Naz sebelah depan, Nek sat on my lap, Keen the middle and Yol sat on Kuro's lap. Kecoh seh...

Thank you to Keen, Nek, Bam, Yol, Bonz, Naz for making time to come to this gathering. Thank you Keen, Kuro and Naz for your help. Thank you for those who brings food and drinks.Thank you Bonz for the lift home...


Izat, selamat ahh Tuesday. Aku tau kau da lama tunggu NS.. Da bosan ngan 'Everyday is sundae' pun kan.. Ah k, all the best. Jgn lupa kitorang kat sini...

Lastly, the boy that said i was so fierce on that day esp when i asked him to stop eating.. sheesh..

It is a 1 day event on Saturday. I missed the Nikah day which was held in the morning but i was there at 11am onwards till 10pm i think. I went there myself. Took bus, MRT and then LRT.





Upon reaching there, my eyes caught on the DJ first. haha... they look familiar seh. Seriously i was staring at them trying to recall where i have seen them but sadly no images caught in my head la. Anyway, the DJ was superb cool. Of course la, they are still young. I think even younger then me for 1 of them.. hehe... but they are cute la.. So once i reached there, my sister was writing down the songs that she wants the DJ to play. So, i add in Puspa also la.. Shock sia... the DJ even smile at me when the song was being played. Macam dia tau je aku yg request. padahal aku suro kakak aku tanye kan seh.. hahaha... Den2, he smile again when he played this Bollywood song. hahahaha.... After eating, tired from seating down at the void deck, i decided to go up to Dila's house to see my god-sister... Abah said she was asking about me so yup. Abah said Dila was looking for me so yup.. hahaha... So up, up, up i went...

So once entered the house, salam and hug my god-sister, said hi to my god-brother and off i went inside the room to see the bride. WHOA blue color hor.. hehe.. the whole makeup and preparation of the bride and the groom was so much fun la. With the teasing all.. hehe... And i was given a task to be the extra photographer... Pity hor.. kena extra lagi.. hehehe... After prayer and such, it is time for the bride to sit at the pelamin and wait for the groom to come.. So down, down, down we went...



Once the groom came, the kompang sound can be heard. So 'silat' took place and then the hadang came next.. hehe.. the first 'hadang' was my dad and my brother... hehe.. and the second one was my mum, my god-sister and my sister in law... hehehe.. kecoh2..but i loike..



Photography session took over, then off they went to the guy side... and off i went to slack like hell.. and that is when i started to SMS Kuro and Naz. Kuro was sleeping so i disturb Naz la all the way. Hahaha.. Naz always be my SMS and kecoh partner la... Then, i asked my sister to ask the DJ for Ungu song... courtesy of Naz of course. eh, eh, the DJ played Puspa twice ok... i feel like dancing like Habbo la and shout "jgn jgn" like what Nani and me did at roof.. hahahahaa...



Once they are back from the guy side, another photography session. This time, they wore evening gown. Black coat for the guy and copper/gold gown for the bride.



The finishing moment will be on the bed...

someone entered into my life unexpectedly. someone who i never expected at all. but even with the never and the shocking, that someone did change my life in a way or another... he makes me happy and feel wanted. he tries his very best every time to put a smile on my face and to hear the sound of my laughter. he will be the first to get worried when i cry, sad or even angry. we always fight over silly things but that never pull us apart. what started out as just for fun , has become serious. that someone always be there for me. that someone is someone that i don't want to lose and i hate to see him sad, angry or stress.

that someone constantly tolerating my stupid emotions and attitudes. despite me being like an emo bitch, he still stand beside me and hold me tight just to let me know that he will always be in me to wipe those tears away and to cool down the hot heat temper..
he willing to do anything for me. even buying for me cute soft toys... he even willing to buy and do anything i asked... so touched by his actions..

i am missing that someone right this very moment. i want to hear his voice.. i want to see his face. i love doing things with him... despite being in pain, himself, he never even complain at all. he will just be patient with me even during my BAD moody days.. (it happened before)....

he listens to my woes... he advices me now and then... he scolds me when i am in wrong... he hugs me tight when i was crying... he gets worried when i am sick and he hate it so much when i hurt myself. he tries not to be hot tempered, but certain attitude of mine did make him to the boiling point... and i am so sorry.....

to tell him how i feel about the whole SAGA, to tell him what my heart told me, is not easy at all. although finally, i manage too la... i plucked so many courage just to do that. it works... but i am sure that i can't be downloaded without signing in...

i am getting sleepy. my eyes wanted to close already but i forced it to remain open. i am waiting for him actually. i don't know why but i am missing him badly...

to that someone in which i know you know who you are...,
thank you so much for everything that you did, have done or about to do for me. i really appreciate it a lot. even a thousand thanks from me cannot replace the amount of your time, effort, love that you put in just for me. thank you!! i am happy that finally all are out from my chest.. hehehe... i am touched that you willing to listen patiently about my problems.. i just want to say, thank you for being part of my life and thank you for always be there for me. and thank you for making me laugh and smile and the most thank you ever for showing me love and let me feel love all over again..

i really not sure of what to do within my 2 hrs of lunch break for tomorrow... shld i go with them or go out alone?? but alone wer? Raffles place really have no where to go la.. all offices only and it is so boring.. the only thing i had in mind was to ddk kat surau until 2.30pm... oh gosh!! but still need to be there by at least 1.45pm den the place will be slightly empty if not it will be full of people.. so what should i do for that 45 mins?? sigh!!

today at work, i do notice some changes.. maybe it was my imagination since i love to imagine soo much.. seriously, i always imagine and all are negative thoughts.. sheesh... so bad of me.. but what i observe today hurt me a bit. i felt like i was outcast in a way or another.. i felt that i was being taken for a fool.. but then.. oh well.. it may not be as what i think it is also coz towards the end, everything is back to normal.. hehehe... my mind always play a trick on me...

this Saturday is my company family day and we are supposed to watch movie at Vivo and it happened that i have to attend my bro in law's sister's wedding as well.. since i am new to the company , i thought i will not get involved la but NO.. today the boss of HR said maybe we also must go.. but they will give us only 1 ticket la instead of the normal 2 tickets for single.. pathetic seh.. who wants to watch movie alone? ok la, i know the whole of GV Max will be all from my company but then, not all i know lei... hehehe... and if i never go, they will deduct half of my per day pay... sigh!!! they will marked attendance one lei... hahaha... like school students hor... huhuhu.... still deciding la whether to go or not... and still hoping that, no extra tickets available lor tomorrow.. hehehe...

the plan for 5th Dec has been finalize and now just waiting for the date to come. hopefully it will be full whole la.. but then, cannot hope on it so much.. anyway, whether full house or not, i am sure, that it will be fun and kecohrable on that day..

Oh gosh... i am getting my pay soon.. hahaha... my first pay... i cannot wait to hold the cheque la.. to see the amount.. to deposit it and to spend it.. hahaha... anyway, this entry will be a short one la coz i have a lot of pending works... hehehe... i will update more later at night or tomorrow.. there so many things in my mind to blog.. so yup!! do wait hor... till then, morning everyone...

i missing Ket so much...

It will be coming to a month working at the new company. As for now, a month is too early to say anything about it but then, within this month, it has been a pleasure journey. Not really a smooth ride but still, i am enjoying the bumping road... Oh well, cannot wait to get my first salary... Wah.. finally, a real pay check. Ha-Ha.... I already planned on what to spend lei.. hahaha.... but this time, of course, saving is a must this time, if not, trouble la... lol...

Time flies extremely fast. It already been 2 weeks since she is gone. I miss her. I am so sorry darling i cannot attend the prayer but i have my reason and i know you understand it.. Be it i am there or not, you are always in my mind darling... Like all said, we are slowly moving on...

2008, year that i never expected to be the worst year for me ever... the drastic changes in me and the unwanted things happened this year are beyond measure. i really hate 2008 so much. i want it to go away ASAP and NOT bring forward to 2009. What happened this year end this year. Full Stop!!!!!! I already have thousand of plans on what to do next year. And so, i really need 2009 to be a brighter year. I am undergoing changes. A drastic changes to the better, of course... And with a hope that i will be half way thru my transformation by the time it reach June 2009. That is my target for now.

I am not sure if it is a good decision to do this or not but seriously i am enjoying myself as well. He-He... it is not the normal so-called feeling but then it can be the replacement for a time being la... cannot have the real thing, the fake will do... hehehe... in fact, just having it with me is more than enough for me... hahaha... oh GOSH!!.. you all don't need to understand it ok.. coz this will be like my most ultimate secret forever.. hahaha that will only be known to me and god.. that is.. hahaha.... eh, privacy is privacy mah... lol.... anyway, maybe this is the help that i have looking for or maybe it is not.. but as for now, it does help me in a way.. unexpectedly... it works... and i am enjoying the outcome and the star.. hehehehe... What am i blabbering about? lol...

Right now, typing this at work during lunch time lei.. have another 10 minutes before lunch is finally over... And now, i am sick.. having fever and flu. this is the outcome when you played in the rain.. not really playing but walking under the rain.. lol... it was fun at that point of time but after that suffer la.. i am having giddiness.. seeing the screen is so hard for me... seeing the white more than the black.. seeing the bright more then the dull..... and not to mention the fever.. body getting weaker.. i just cannot wait to go home............ Monday Blues become Monday Green...

Oh before the bye, i just wanted to say that i am revamping this whole blogging thing if i have the time la.. 2009, of course, a new blog.. but don't worry, the URL remain as it is... Just that, changes will be there... i have a lot of plans in my mind.. i just need the time to work on it.. hopefully, during the Hari Raya Haji week... Oh well, do wait for the updates... till then, take care.........

I feel fantastic after making decision to really wake up from the nightmare and started to see the world in colors and music... yup2... Ala2 Bollywood like that la... But seriously, that 1 serious decision changed my life completely. I feel like a new person... A new me... In fact, the 'old' me before I got hit by the lightning of the blues... I feel so contented with what I have and I feel so happy with where I stand now.

I have been taking care of my health nowadays. It is like I am health freak like that but actually I am not la. It is just that, the after effect of stress and depression have been making me weak, unhealthy, dull and no more shine in me. hahaha... but seriously la... so now, I am patiently waiting for the glowing-ness in me to glow from the inside. I am dying to laugh out loud like last time... laughing is the best medicine for everything...

It is going to be a month me working here... So far, all are going well. Making new friends and adapting to the environment. I am always looking forward to come to work. Not sure why but it seems that I am enjoying myself working here... That is good right?? hahaha.. Wee will soon get my first month salary... cannot wait lor...

Did I tell you that I am planning to buy iPhone? Saw it at SingTel and tried it... I felt in love it at first touch... Classic and chio lor... hahahaha... sexy babe... sexy.... WOW... but expensive la... Need to save more coz I am planning to buy without contract... WOW... hmmm....

M1 plan has been so the tempting especially with the free outgoing calls to 3M1 numbers... love that so much.... will be upgrading mine to Sun saver plan soon...

Well, cannot wait for later... Meeting my IBM after such a long time... in fact after such... Hmm! Oh well... anyway, c ya later babes....

It stroked me to wake up from this life. It made me think on how I have changed over the past 4 years. I did think and I did cried. I did not know that my changes were so drastic that it takes a toll on my daily life as well as my friends. Sigh! Why am I so naive? Why am I so stupid? Why am I so the confused? Why am I so the BLUR? I should have notice it right from the start but then I never. Starting of this year, everything changed for the worst. My life, my attitude and even the way I think never make sense at all. I always felt lost in my own world. Worst still, I never bring the map at all. I never asked for help. I never asked for direction. I always go where I feel like going and all the time, it will make me turned to the wrong direction where new problems will be added on top of the old one. It will be piling up high. I never bother to even throw anything away or try to do anything. I will just simply put it inside and let it rot. Actually, I don’t even know how to solve it. So instead of asking for help, I went missing. I cried. I do whatever I can do to ease the pain. Yup, I will just do anything at all. I was so desperate at a certain point of time. I really was...

Anyway, yesterday waking up session was like my turnover. I was confused at first but then, I have decided that I will take this chance to do something about me and not someone else. This will be the time where I will be selfish for a time being. I want to revamp myself for the better and for the best so as to build my self-esteem and confident level back and the sunshine everyone knew back than. The happy go lucky sunshine. For those that know me, you will agree with me that the old me is far way better than this year me right? I realized it only now. November? Seems like it is bit too late but then it is better than never...

I want to make my wish come true. I want to make everyone that I love happy being around me. I already know what to do la coz to me, if last time I can, why not now? Yup, I slacked a lot (this year) but then, every human does slack in their life once so it is not that new. What matters most is that I am back. I have started to kick and gallop fast.

I am sick of having stress and depressing all the time. I am tired of all that. I know la I cannot get rid of it coz as long as you are breathing, stress will always be there. But this time, I will control it and put it aside. I will not think of it so much. I will not make it as an excuse for me to be running or neither do I want to cry every night because of it. That is me this year!!! I am all that. Pathetic right? Like as if I have no life. Sigh! So, the moment I hit the publish button, the new sunshine / hudz / huda / adik will be gone forever. The old one will be taking over. It may be old but it is better then the new one. Old but modified la… Hmm.. apa la aku tulis nie.. Belit2 she.. aku sendiri tak tau.. aku lantak je actually.. Paham2 kan je la ehh….

Who can forget my big loud laugh? Who can forget the red riding hudz story? Who can forget my red face when I laugh? Who can forget my additive laughter? Who can forget my craziness? Who can forget my lameness? Who can forget my idiot-ness? Who can forget my blur-ness? Who can forget ahh?? All I know, I cannot forget la. Actually I miss myself seh. Like pathetic hor, miss myself... I will be all that back. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life now. I will think positive every time now and I will make sure that I am HAPPY. No more crying unless it is a must la. I am not sadist la. Actually no point writing in words coz I know not many people understand. So it is best to show it. You will see it. The OLD HUDZ is coming back to town. She will be SPREADING her laughter all over again.

Lastly, I just want to say sorry to those people that I always disturb with my trouble. I always bother them and make them worry for no reason. I always make them sad. I always make them mad. I am truly really sorry. You know who you are. I don’t need to mention names here. Beside sorry, I also want to say thank you for everything that you all did for me. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being there for me in hard times either morning or night. Thank you for scolding me to wake me up. Thank you for guiding me as well. Thank you for believing in me although you knew that my self confident is gone. I really appreciate it. Thank you for listening to my problems or even if you are just pretending to listen, still I want to say thank you for just being THERE for me whenever I NEED YOU. Thank you so much.

the picture is getting clearer... shld never have believe everything... it will never be the same anymore... i just want it over and done with la... taking the actions now...

Wait, am not sure i am involved in this year family day... even if not, i am still equally happy....
wedding to take place on this 29 November.. still has not find anyone that willing to be the video man for the day..

going off now.. have a great weekend coz my weekend is SUCKZ!!!

I am having this feeling... & I am sharing with you all...
i am not sure why i am feeling this way... i have no idea when it all started... it just came and then i started to feel the pain.. the cycle continues... the moment it came, i was brought back to the past.. the same pain i was experiencing back then... the same old bloody pain... the pain is getting worst every time i see or hear what i dislike to know.. i should not be feeling this way.. NO.. this is wrong.. this is NOT supposed to happen but why it did? WHY????

i was motionless lying on the bed.. thinking of all the possibilities on how it started... is it really because i miss those days? NO NO NO i should stop this.. i know i can stop this feeling from continue further.. i feel so stupid all of the sudden.. i hate it when history repeats itself.. WHY am i always be the target? WHY?

So many issues in my head.. i am like bottling all up and NOT sure when to let all go.. i want to erase those feeling.. it is not easy but i have to try.. i have to be firm coz if i am not, i will be into more deep shit than now.. but how? what should i do? run away? hide myself? gone hiatus? is that the only solution? i, myself not sure... shit la... y am i always in this mess?

my 'Hartz' Ket

I was shaking for the past 2 days after hearing the news. My heart just could not take it. It refuses to accept the fact that our dearest Ket has gone... No one could ever believe what she did and everyone was still waiting eagerly by the phone in hoping that she will SMS or CALL saying it was all just a prank... but sadly, the waiting is worthless... tears flow down the moment it sank into my mind that i have lost a darling... the IBMs were crying out.. the IBMs were NOT able to sleep.. the IBMs were all shaking.. the IBMs were dying to know the reason behind her actions...

the whole night we stay awake waiting for Sunday to come... to be able to see her for the last time before she was send back to GOD.. On the way, everyone started to feel the lost especially when it is near her house. Looking at her body, the IBMs started to cry... where is her?? where is her body?? where is her smile?? where is her face?? where is her hair?? Hearing what her cousin had to say about her remaining parts and what actually happened, my whole body was shaking vigorously and i started to imagine the part where she climbed all the way up and jumped and landed on the head first.. i started to imagine how she looked behind that cover up... just could not take it anymore.. i went out before i faint...

i am sure that if she is still alive, she will be running towards us with a big smile on her face and ready to hug all of us giving us a warm welcome to her house.. but on Saturday, we received nothing... Not even able to see her for the last time.. the only left was just her pictures and the memories we had with her... Ket, you will always be in our hearts... indeed the IBM will never be the same without you.. the 9 of us were finally there on Saturday babe... if only you could open your eyes.. IBM will always be 9........


You are at peace now darling.. Smile and be happy...
"it seems like yesterday i know her thru blogger"
"it seems like yesterday we had our first meeting"
you will not forgotten babe..
Always and forever missing you...

I did not mean it actually... I did not know it will turn out that way.. All i did was to ask a simple question and i get scolded by him... i did not know that, that question has so many opinions by you... anyway, thanks a lot bro... Kau la adik angkat aku yang aku syg... hehehe.... As far as he knows, i am still NOT ok... it will take times for it to sink.. hmm...

1st November 2008, cousin day out.. All of us were supposed to wear dress.. Iza's idea on this part actually and pity me k coz i never bring dress when i slept at Abg's house so on that particular day, i tried on 2 dresses and all of them asked me to wear the blue one.. we went, took taxi, to Vivo.. Supposed to meet Helmi but plan changed... Oh well!! We went to Coffee Bean and bought latte and chocolate what2 ice blended i think... hehe and bought snacks at 7-eleven and make our way to the top level.. We sat down and our craziness start...

Sunshine meet Sunset on that day...Towards the end, we started to share our stories.. and some of our problems that has been bothering us.. Indeed it was shocking to hear that... Anyway, i had fun with both of u.. should do more often.. Oh yar, the crazy pictures...

you must be wondering how can she be happy when she is still traumatizing with all the problems she faced in life right?? haha... k k i know you are NOT even wondering but then... so WHAT!!! i am finally on my way to a financial stability.. hopefully this time, it really works... actually i want to elaborate more about it, but then i am so VERY lazy so that is la.. this is all i can write about my financial...

On Tuesday, I went to Plaza Singapura to do some make-up shopping i guess.. Actually, i wanted to buy shoes but then the shoes sucks so just to make myself happy after travel so far (mcm btl je) i bought 3 eye lines and 1 lip gloss that cost me 56 bucks after the 20% percent discount.. GOSH!!!.... hahaha... but then i really love the eye liner a lot la... so i am happy with the purchased.... And then, i took 502 to IMM.. first time boarding that bus actually so really had no idea where to stop and in the end, i missed the stop... So had to walk all the back to IMM.. GOSH!! buang current seh.. and really la.. coz i fell, trip and slip when i went down the mini stairs... i fell sitting down and hurt BOTH MY FEET, my left arms and my right knee... All swollen2... haiz...

I always wanted to watch this live show for such a long time but always failed to do so coz of money... But now, it will not be a problem anymore... I will tell you about it once I bought the ticket ok... it cost 60 bucks la for the front seat..

I am sucks at sudoku man... i have been trying to solve it but i always got stuck.. Numbers are my worst enemies seh.... how la to solve it? even writing out the possibilities still i am unable to solve it.. what a kuku brain i have.... lol

Today, after work went to meet my CNB-ians... nearly 6 mths after the last meet up, today only we manage to sit and be crazy... love it... LOVE YOU DARLINGS SO MUCH...
We ate at pizza... a lot.. at least for me.. like first time since my diet lor.. but ok la.. coz not always i get to be with them... i had so much fun laughing until my face turned red?? true ahh?? hmmmm cam whoring was best... will upload them once i get it from my honey bunny... lol...

hey you... yes you... i was shocked when you said you will do that la... thousands of questions running inside me head... i was like seriously preparing myself for whatever going to happen seh... lol... hahahaa..

k la bye2....
i was so happy today although at night i was pissed off... AHH WADEVER LA...

Adeq, update aku... jgn lupa.. Tuesday nie... da lama tk jumpa.. rindu seh.....

what was NOT supposed to happen, happened.. in the end, it was like a big bomb dropped on me and i was thrown away to bits and pieces... my heart collapsed upon knowing the truth. my heart sank even deeper when i realized that the person i trust so much all this years manage to do things that is beyond my imagination... my heart feel the pinched when i heard there was another side of story that was equally NOT true from my side of story... all i can do was just ask WHY?
THERE ARE THOSE TIMES WHERE WE NEED TO SHED A TEAR...
WHEN WE ARE SWALLOWED BY ANGER AND FEAR..
I JUST WANNA CRY, NO LONGER DO I WISH TO FLY...
THERE'S NOTHING FOR ME TO DO BUT CRY
http://neon-nazo.deviantart.com/art/Crying-15543495

http://elenar.deviantart.com/art/Crying-Inside-64146998
my life is so screw up... when i thought it will not get worst from what i am undergoing now, it seems that my thought is wrong. it is getting worst. WORSEN... what is the solution? NOTHING... sometimes i wonder what did we all do wrong? why is the test from Allah so bitter for me to swallow? is this a form of punishment? why? why? why? what will happened if it leaks out? what will happened to ALL OF US? All i know plus confident and guarantee that TRUST WILL BE BROKEN AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AS BEFORE NO MATTER HOW SORRY THEY ARE...

i feel so ashamed when she told me what happened, i was shocked, sad and hurt. my heart can't take it anymore. things after things... problems after problems.. i am getting weak.. weaker by days... i feel like breaking down.. i feel like giving up.. i feel like RUNNING AWAY and i don't feel like seeing anyone or even talk to anyone.. i feel so ashamed even if it is not MY FAULT..

she may not be a direct member, but knowing her for such a long time, despite the shocked i had yesterday, there is fear till today... deep down, i am hoping that nothing will happen to her... upon hearing it, reflection of the past occurred... a sudden moment of the past just fly in and out within a second.. and i was bleeding inside.. laughing and smiling are what you see outside but inside it was all gone.. my mind is totally blank.. i have become emotionless and all of this has make me speechless and make me think twice of who is the one that CAN REALLY BE TRUSTED??

the colorful rainbow has become colorless.. black fills in the space.. black is the only color left in me.. WONDERING WHEN WILL I GET TO SEE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW AGAIN? WONDERING WHEN WILL THE COLORS FILLS MY LIFE? WONDERING WHEN WILL THE BLACK GO AWAY?

i am so dying to shed tears of joy.. i am so dying to smile widely with a shine in my eyes showing how free and happy i am... i am so dying to laugh out loud and really feel the craziness in the air... i am dying to jump around happily.. i am dying to be someone new...

when will it be???
who will help me???
who will understand me???
who will be there for me???
who will be patient enough to listen???
who will be kind enough to hold me tight while i cry out all???
WAIT!!!
IS THERE REALLY SUCH PERSON OUT THERE??
IS THAT REALLY WHAT I WANT??
http://vegangirlforever.deviantart.com/art/Crying-78331532

When all the muslim started to tone down the celebration, we started to be excited about going to Raya together. weird but it was fun.. paiseh but overall we rocks.... lol..

unexpected things happened but well it turns out well in the end... with much speculations going on even in the morning of the day itself.. wakey wakey up everyone just to discuss about it and cracking out the brain to find the solutions.. being an alarm for that day is NOT fun... hahaha... trying to wake Kuro up but i failed.. no choice but have to call Izat for help.. hahaha...

Meeting place is at keen's house. Supposed to meet at 12.30pm but it turned out that some came at 1 plus and eventually we left Keen's house at 1.45pm... lol... lets said, the longest so called 45mins there (in which Naz planned the timing)... lol...
(me, Is and Naz OTW to keen's house)


No point writing what happened in each house lor... coz different houses different kecohness... to sum all in words, will only get everyone confused lor.. furthermore, i am SOOOOOOOO lazy to do so... the houses we went ydae were (in order - west to east) Keen, Sun, Nash, Wan, Kuro, Iskandar and Naz. (pics are in order as well - west to east)

And courtesy of Nazly!!

Candid [1]


Candid [2]


More shots

Random [1]


Random [2]


All of Us .... (Last house)

Perjumpaan hari raya for my sis-in-law's side... well, my brother asked me to do him a favour for the perjumpaan which falls today actually.. not sure if he used it or not but i had fun doing it... walaupun tk sempurna...what i did?? see the pictures below la.. kan senang...

remember my previous post where i mentioned that i went out with Nas and Naz?? well, i went out with them again on last Fri.. (which is yesterday la) but this time we meet at Far East.. i was like being the extra there among the two thorns.. hahaha.... attended the talk with them and yes, it was fun but too long until Naz was bored with it.. and seriously i think all of us were hungry la.. coz we did not grab any bites first before that.. Naz caught me doing something during that talk... lol... oh well, after that, we went to toilet first... the boys da tak tahan katakan.. lol... then lepastu, we planned to eat at Sakura... we even went in and sat down... then Nas said it was too expensive so we went out again... lol... paiseh seh.. buat muka tebal je... da ddk, da tgk menu semua den lepastu bangun kuar... hahahaha.... so we just settled for MacDonald je la.. Well, i treated them yesterday as i promised Naz already.. lol.. aku simpan tau janji aku... tak macam kau... lol.. after that, went to puff and then to the bus stop to home.. lol.. i took the same bus as Nas to CCK coz lyke seriously i was so lost as to which bus stop should i take.. this time, i did took pictures la but all their faces la... well, the men for the day...

Nas and Naz

Naz and Nas

Reached home only, on my laptop and get into Habbo.. lol mcm da addicted gitu... ok la.. fun and it kills my boredom as well... anyway, since Naz told me about Radio Habbo, i get addicted to it as well.. it was fun la.. it is just like the real radio with DJ as well but the only different is that it is for Habbo.. so all the rooftop clans will tune in and dance and comment and tease.. all at the same time.. can even tease the DJ as well.. you no need to call or sms and waste your bill or anything la.. you can just type and chat with the DJ.. cool kan... hahahaha.. not really sure how to explain in words la.. you have to experience yourself then you know what i meant... anyway, DJ masterWANN rocks... lol....

Went to my sister (kak ana) wedding studio today with Abah and Mak.. WOW!! loves the wedding gowns la.. super chio... lol... my eyes caught the black one!! really simple but nice cutting and elegant.. AHHH i want to lose more weight...jadi lei pki for my wedding...hahaha.... sorry no pictures... too lazy to do so and also coz too busy browsing thru all the gowns.. lol... eh, i love the gold one as well.. exclusive gler... lawah dong... lol.. anyway, tahnia kak Ana and Abg Khalid for the new opening studio - Vision Wedding!!!!...

Before i end this entry, let me present you my sister and my brother in law.. try to make them looked graffiti but i think i failed... haiz... need to brush up my skills la... really have to... hmm... da la!! tgk je la gambar nie...

And lastly, Nazly ... (slim version)

Tada.. Morning.. (finish updating this entry at 6.05am..)

Mini birthday celebration for Mak... Nothing much la except for cake cutting at home with the whole members present... Oh well, i love the cake the most.. chocolate and very moisturize creamy ice cream.. *lip licking*

Family raya visiting is over... yes, finally it is over... over 2 weeks continuously, been eating and drinking... really put on back the weight i lost... now continue with my diet back... need to maintain ahh beb.... ya ya, my HOT pink kebaya... lol.... wait hor... i bought 3 new pairs right this year but so far i only used 2... the maroon one was left un-touch and only be touch on the 27 (if on la) when i went raya visiting with my habbo clan... cannot wait for still have slight feeling that it might be off... haiz... oh well.... oh yar, wore the pink kebaya on Sat and white baju kurung on Sun.. loves both outfit.... and i dun look big like last time...yippieeeeeeee.....(naz and is will noe how big i look 2 yrs back in that white baju kurung)...


Went out with Naz and Nas yesterday. Met at city hall mrt was the initial plan.. but then Naz came late and I was super early.. not that early la.. but ok la... and lucky Nas came on time... At least i have someone to talk to... Was really hoping Keen will come la but her laziness mcm ada power up gitu... so powerful until she had to say that she cannot fight it back... lol.... Oh well, am the only girl and i thought i will feel left out but luckily, that never happened.. so ok la.. i had fun with both of them... So after Naz came, we proceeded to Funan Challenger for the walk in interview... Seeing them filling up the form were so funny... while Naz forgot the date of yesterday, Nas lak, lupa tulis nama, tulis NRIC, tulis email..and he even forgot the year he went to Secondary school hahaha... seeing their faces once the interview was over were also funny... coz once looked at them, you will know whether they like the job or not... oh well, sadly, both hated it.. hahaha...

After that, we went to KFC to have our lunch.. Supposed to go and eat at Hawker center or any coffee shop but then Nas was super hungry la so we settled for fast food.. I ate half of the zinger or 3/4 of it and Naz finished it up.. Naz was like our dustbin for yesterday... All leftover food, he will gobbled it down.. and not mentioning the number of bottles of water he drank.... Both were so happy esp Naz coz of the number of Chickies there as well.. hahaha... they really wash eyes la.. and pretty obvious one will be Naz.. lol... maintain ahh Naz... chill2... lol And i get so blur and paiseh la when i so confidently blurted out superman when both of them were actually talking about spider man seh... hahahaa...

After lunch, went to have puff2 (Nas la) and then went to Raffles City Link to buy donut and Naz was super blur when he was being asked sama ada nak 1 dozen ke 1/2 dozen... hahaha.... face of the month belong to Naz... And model of the century belong to Nas... hahaha... Eh, Nas will be a model soon seh... Followed him for the interview and although have to wait for such a long time before Nas finally ended his interview, it was worth waiting la esp when Nas said he was selected... Hahaha.. and so, Nas, don't forget Hotel.... we will keep reminding you... Kau da kaya n famous pun jgn lupa kitorang kat sini... lol....

So after that, waited for Naz's bus to come before Nas and Me went to MRT and go home.. Chatted with Nas all the way until Jurong East before we said our goodbyes and said hello back at Habbo... hahahaha... And so, chatted with them all the way kat Habbo until something happened... GOSH!! headache and really frustrated at that time... tak lei nk angkat seh... btul2 da bingit gler... hahahaha... tapi cool je.. bab sedeh pun ada... sapa2 baca dan terasa cuba tanye diri sendiri ehh sama ada nie paragraph ditujukan untuk kau ke tak... jgn pandai2 and assume sendiri.. aku tk tanggung... lol... but i think some will know who la and am really happy that you were laughing and was happy at the end of the day and took back your first decision... nanti Naz kasi kau hug k.... lol.....

Chatted with them till 2.30 am coz soccer match had started.... both of them are Man Utd big fan seh... hahaha... Nas alweys kena bully with me... lol...... Man Unt kalah ahh.... hahahaha k k i noe Man Utd wins... So before both of them went off, they manage to send me links to all the jiwang songs la... Emo songs.. i love listening to jiwang... boleh nangis kadang2... hahahaha... love it..... maceh ehh korang2.... some of the videos are below... listen2 k...
From Nas;


From Naz;


So now, typing this blog at 2.45... I still have to clean my room by today and i lost the paper containing an important email lagi... nak kena cari by now... kalau tak kena marah ngan Abah nie... wooohooooo... K la... that is all... super long tak??? it is right???

right now, enjoyed all the pictures and videos above k... am chatting with Wan now and Bamboo had opened up Neopet acct just because I have it..... lol.....

Seriously now it is 5.46am and i have not even close my eyes for the day... and today have to wake up extra early for raya visiting... i cannot wait to put on my HOT PINK kebaya... lol...

Ok2... last Thursday, I wore this for raya visiting ...

That's all!!!

Note: Will put up 3 cartoon pictures that I made and my HOT PINK kebaya once I am back from raya visiting... Do wait hor!!!!!

i really thot that my web page design skills will be wear off since i have not touch flash software for such a long years... and to make situation worst, my flash CD is not suitable for Vista OS.. argh!! i have to download the free trial and it took a bloody 11 hrs seh ydae to download it... pathetic.... and i have to start doing at 4am... bloody hell... da la Mon aku tk tido satu hari... den cont with Tues also... the impact is worst la... migraine attack!! Oh well, manage to completely finish the homepage at 10.30am...

seeing the computer screen after that is a hassle for me seh.. my eyes keep on blinking like a spoil traffic light and my head feel like exploding with the migraine. Da la aku puasa tadi so really a torture feeling seh... Oh well, all are done... now i am left with 5 more designs... bila nk game pun tak tau!!!

Oh yar, sorry.. Mak's present is still not ready yet to be publish la.. Will publish it as soon as possible k...

Have to cancel today plan to watch movie with Rizal la... So sry eh Zal.. I will make it up another day... hmm after Raya la....

Tomorrow have to cancel Raya outing with Yulisza as well... Last minute, Dad decided to go to Cik Pau house tomorrow la instead of the original plan, Friday. Haiz... so another date of Raya with Lisza will be next Thursday - 23th...

Finally finished Nur's blog design as well.. the first part.. Still left the 2nd part in which I have yet to start on.. submitted at blogskins as well.... here it is..

i am dying to buy digital camera seh. Now i am stuck in between these two.. Both are nice and sleek and both are my fav colors.... but they are so expensive.. have to save money la... haiz... i want it by this week seh... hahaha (belikan lei?? - lol)
Take a look ......

(first brand - SONY Cyber-shot DSC-T70 - Pink - $499 - free 4GB mmc)


(second brand - SONY Cyber-shot DSC-T300 - Red - $599 - free 4GB mmc)

I changed my skin. Did that the whole night yesterday ok. Punya la pnat but worth it. Remembered my previous skin?? It is about Miss Princess (that's me - Abah called me princess) and now Miss Sunshine (Also me ... hehe). therefore the skin says it all.. I like this skin a lot. Simple but eye-catching... I just realized that i used Miss Princess skin for few months la. Never in my life i stick to a skin for more then 3 days seh coz I LOVE to change skin now and then.. hehe... Lets see how long this skin can stay.... counting up starting now...

HAPPY 51TH BIRTHDAY MAK..
My mum birthday today... Will post up the present in my next post ok... Wait hor!!

Lots of things happened lately and i have been under the emotional period and that explain the lack of updating... Eh serious ok... Well, it is like a drama or maybe a movie.. A sad love romance!!! like any other Bollywood movies, there will be ups and there will be downs. it is just that mine is 90% down and 10% up. i was always on my toes and when i was observing, something shocked me and that make me blur. Blur Sotong abes aku nie!!!! But to see something like yesterday, did bring a smile on my face..

Actualy, at a point of time, i am glad that i make the right choice. Yes!! right choice to go to Didi's house. It has been ages but yet nothing has change. Gosh!! I miss the fun i used to have with Banu and Bhaiya.. They all grow up so fast la... At Didi's house, i was inside Bhaiya's room with Bhaiya and Banu all the way la.. Sitting on his bed and chat and chat and chat. Teasing each other and of course laughter fills the whole room. They grow taller, wiser and cleverer but at the same time, inside them, still the same kids i used to know... Bhaiya even showed me his muscle and his 6 packs. Yes! Yes! he has 6 packs.. and he is only sec 2 ok.. hahaha...... On the other hand, Banu is still my cutie pie.. hehe...

Wait.. why i said i make the right choice? Coz that night was the first time, i laughed and smile sincerely.. Thanks to the 2 cousins... and Abah and Mak seems to enjoy themselves as well.. Seriously, yesterday Raya visiting was totally a different aura at all.

I will be very busy today. Will not be sleeping again today. Date line is tomorrow. Need to crack my brain on the design. Argh!! Sucks!!. No flash software as well... Need to install the 30 day trial.. WHATEVER la... why can't XP software be used in Vista?? it makes everyone life's so easier....

Ok, manage to save some cash this Raya. Ha-ha.. Wei , i still received green packets ok. Don't play2. hahaha... Cannot wait for this Sat and Sun to come.. Another visiting and another new pairs of Baju Kurung.. Actually i am looking forward for the 27 of Oct for the Bdk2 Habbo raya outing... Still in progress on the attendance tho.. Hopefully it will be ON and not OFF like 3 years back continuously la.. pathetic lor ...

Not much pictures taking la for raya coz only left me mah.. So cannot expect much. Nevertheless, I ONLY took a portrait of myself lor.. Yup2, I am VAIN.. SO WHAT?? Got problem with it ah?? bluek!!! hahaha... Therefore, the 2 pics are:
(just an overall view on what i wore on last Sat(gray) and Sun(black))


A total of 11 kg lost in 2 mths... best kan?? hahaha.... everybody said i slim down.. Super happy for a while... hmm

Wait!! Some Random pictures...


Ok now, it is done.. Can BLAH already.....

it is getting harder to hide every emotions inside me. even while msn-ing or habbo-ing or even sms-ing, tears can just flow down without any hesitation at all.. i am soaking wet with my own tears.

one is so easy to say that once you let go of everything hidden in your heart to someone else, you will feel better but to me that will NEVER be the case. it is not as simple as one will said.. and it is harder to solve it as well. And yup, face the problems with brave act and take it as a test from the God. if i never put on a brave act, will you all by now know what is going on with me without having the need to read my blog or even wait until i breakdown first to realize that i am HAVING an emotional stress issues?? to smile and laugh when actually you are faking it, is something that i am good at. what is the point of telling others your problems when you know that they themselves could not settle it right?? yes, certain problems i will tell my frenz but when it comes to big problems, no one will know about it.. that is just me.. accept it!! i will not change myself just to please you...

lets recap back to the first day of raya....
every year something is always missing. this year is included as well. where has the spirit of raya gone to? where has all the smile and laughter been? where has all the loves go? all gone.. all gone.. and yes ALL GONE.. forgiveness session is the only thing i am looking forward to for god's know how many months i have been waiting for it. it is not that i did lots of sins but it is something that i hope things will be back to normal after that. ah yes, it was... for a while.. for a time being of roughly about 5 hrs and then, boom, back to square one.. the stress level has increased so much that i blow up to pieces every now and then.. my eyes cannot stop giving out water... i do admit that i WISH i can run away and never come back.. but yet, the courage in me is not there to do it. not sure if it a negative or positive things but i really WISH that i have enough courage to really go away as seriously, i cannot absorb anymore... everyday will be different issues to fight of....

5 days of raya has gone by.. and soon it will be over.. i just cannot wait for it to be gone.. really not in the mood to even celebrate it.. not in the mood to even go house visiting.. can i say no?? Naah... IMPOSSIBLE.... sometimes i wonder why must all this happened NOW?? why not in the past where by i know i will NOT be alone facing the whole situations happened in my very own eyes.... can i return to the past and change it?? i wish i could.. but sadly life never move backwards.. and how long does this saga will be moving forward?? will it ever stop??

today, one by one talk happened in the noon ard 12 plus i think.. cannot remember the timing... i am not sure whether to feel happy after that or to feel even more sad coz it does not work 100 percent i guess.. maybe it will still be the same.. maybe no one can solve it or maybe nothing can even cure the wound... haiz... no point talking about it anymore.. it is getting senseless to all of you.. no point blabbering more as i know no one understand what i wrote....

lets get to the next topic..

can i start to laugh first?? haha... can you imagine the shocking i get when i heard the truth about him.. i was like OMG is that really him?? he is like that?? haha.. but well, truth will always be truth unless he, himself, change it but i highly doubt so.. haha... what are you thinking? all the times, i am wondering what he is thinking or what games he is playing with me?? it is just a matter of time n days before i, myself, shout GAME OVER.... really don't understand you at all... i am not sure how many times i must told you before you finally get into your head and just GIVE UP.... really annoying most of the times...

never, ever change yourself for others.. even if in a good way... right?? or wrong?? i am not sure what to do actually.. it bugs me every time i see him.. the fears of making him angry is there and yes, even after knowing the truth, i still HATE it if i was the cause of him being bad mood.. especially when he is suppose to be happy all the time to avoid the conditions getting worst.. i found myself avoiding him and i found myself remain silent and only talks when necessary when he is around.. i found myself constrain my laughter and replace it with a smile to avoid getting being ignored.. but it is so the difficult la... i am not sure if i want to be who i am when he is around or be who he wish i am .... get it??

yesterday, i changed my template.. err i mean my Firefox skin.. and i love my new Firefox now.. having add in additional widgets to make it more pleasant and more user-friendly as well.. i found myself using more Firefox then safari - in which used to be my fave as well.. hahaha.. i still have all three browses la.. still in considering whether i should uninstall safari or just let it be coz who knows i might switch back... i can be fickle minded and i always get tired of one thing easily la.. so must really have wide collections... lol...

i am doing a blog skin for Nazly's niece as i type this entry down.. lol.. not sure if she will likes it or not la but i will try my best.. hehe...

and, so many open house this coming Saturday 11 Oct.. among friends, there are 2 - Nas and Naz... among relatives, there are 3 - Didi, Mummy and Kak Nur... Saturday will be a hectic one for me... and if peoples come over to my house, i bet yar.. it will be from morning to night.. so don't expect me to be free on Saturday.. lol...

Yup, that is, by far the latest updates ...
catch ya soon...

as usual, it will be a tiring day... every year, it seems there are more and more people... and every year, the tiredness is getting worst and worst.. hahaha... well, it has been like a routine for my family that da first 6 days of Syawal, we stay at home and welcome the guests... in another meaning, the whole lot of my dad students and all the relatives will come ANYTIME within this 6 days... even at 1am also the house is still open....

today, wake up at 8.45am, bath, get ready and eat.. hahaha... i realized that first day raya is so difficult for me to control my diet.. hahaha... ok la i ate 3 times today... the last one is for my sahur tomorrow... Once the clock strike 11am, Assalammualaikum can be heard from the corridor.... and that is the starting point... one family by one family came non-stop... one after another... and yes, there were a clash just now... 4 families came at the same time ..... the whole hse was super pack.. not even have any space to walk... serious shit seh... just imagine me alone doing all the so called 'waitress' job... and not a single break in between.. 12 hours of standing in the kitchen and 12 hrs of making sure everything is ready to serve..... really tired ok... seriously super tired and worst tomorrow i am working... new place new environment.. am not sure wer is the place as well... sucks.... so need to go early tomorrow... haiz.. need to wake up at 6.30am seh... and now already midnight, shit... 5 hrs of sleeping je.. hahaha.. ok la am used to it la actually but i just want to complain ok... hahahahaah......

i miss HH so much... i cannot get over HH... lol....
wonder why ...............

my decision has been finalize... i know my answer but i am not sure how to tell him that answer... lol... i am not sure where to start and am not sure of the outcome after that... fears linger in me.... argh... sheeshhhhh.....

and today, the SAGA was about to continue...... haiz... when it was about to start, i am all nervous.. trying to calm the situation but i know it does NOT help at all... and tomorrow , i am sure the third party will know about it and i am sure the third party will add more salts to the wound... pathetic.... not sure how now... will it continue back??? will it continue non stop and must i wait for next year raya to have this happy mood back....??? arghhhhhhhhhhhh

abah was smiling and laughing a lot... for the first time... abah told mak he wans to eat.. he hungry... lol... super happy to see abah finally eats....

Dat's it man... cannot take it anymore... this time the fire has grow. not even fireman can put it off... it is time to put an end to it... can you please get this inside your head that i am NOT YOURS and i am not a free person with no life that i have to ENTERTAIN you 24/7 and get this into your head as well that I DON'T HAVE FEELING FOR YOU AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO BE TOGETHER .. You are like controlling my life man and WE ONLY KNOW EACH OTHER FOR 2 BLOODY MONTHS.. YET YOU ARE BEHAVING AS IF YOU OWN ME. look in the mirror first or best look at your IC and face the reality... it is already bad that i have a little trust on guys after the last relationship and you have to rub it on as well... you think i believe every words you said? even without meeting, even without knowing who i am, even without knowing my background and my attitude, you already said you love me.. sheesh... you know something, I HATE GUY LIKE YOU.. I HATE GUYS WITH SWEET TALKS... i am not the typical miss-sunshine you knew online .....

See.. it is going to be the end of August and month of Ramadan will be gone until next year. Syawal will be here in around 2 days time.. i am not sure to be happy or to be sad. usually i will be the one in the family that will be excited about it... esp when it comes to pasang lampu lap lip la... last time, about 5 yrs back and back... my house will lit up the whole corridor.. YES it will coz am the only family that will used 3 or 4 sets of lampu lap lip.. hahaha... every magrib, i will on it and stand outside and be mesmerize by it... my brother will do the design of the lap lip.. and i will be the one passing him the nails for him to nail...

last time, my brother and i will washed the main windows together.. well mainly him la... hehe.. i will washed the fans.. my house has ton of fans.. hehehe... last time, the whole house will be KECOH especially when it comes to break fast and near syawal... now all are so yester years... time changes and so do the atmospheres...

in the past, first day raya, will be the most busy day for us the siblings... as early as 11 am to an extreme late of 12pm and more, people will come non stop and my sis and me will be running in and out of the kitchen to serve them kuih and drinks and even food if have.... gosh!! so tiring by the end of the day, i will be all shagged and once my head hit the pillow, i will be gone... next day will continue.. the cycle will continues for the first 6 days..

that was all in the past . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

now, i am the only one left in the house... both are married and have their own family... definitely the aura is completely different... but still can be acceptable until this year.. this year is the worst Ramadan and Syawal ever.. in a sense of the spirits... i am so not in the MOOD to celebrate it.. Am NOT looking forward to Syawal as well.. Am NOT looking forward to Sahur and Buka in the month of Ramadan.. the mood has gone.. the smile has gone.. the awkwardness is there.. and SILENT is always there... SILENT is golden... but right now, i don't need the GOLD.. i need NOISE.. i need the smile and the laughter... but ALL ARE GONE... the only wish i have this meaningful night will be for everything to be back to normal, as it is before.......

NOW .........

i am dying to meet my bestfriends or at least chat with them online... ARGH!! so many things to tell them.. so many things happened to me this month.... and they are the best in giving me feedbacks... 11 years of knowing each other, seeing the good and bad side of us, they definitely knows who i am in real... besides my sis-in-law and brother la...

About MM.. anyway, this had been going on for sometime and right now, it really troubles me to an extend that i nearly want to blow up.. i will... SOON if he never STOP bugging me la... i said NO to him and yet he keep on continue..... HATE IT... REALLY DISTURB MY LIFE... REALLY DISTURB MY SLEEP... i am not available 24/7 just to entertain you or keep you company ok.. esp not in the morning and late at night and even at times not in the noon as well... and NOT everyday... i have my own life as well so STOP BUGGING ME... seriously, it is IMPOSSIBLE for you and me to be an item... i don't care you read this or not... i have to tell you sooner or later.. and if you going away from everyone just coz of sulking, then none of my business.... if you want to behave so childish, den so be it.. Like what Keen said, you haven even meet me and you only know me for 2 months and you haven see who i am in real and yet you are behaving like I AM YOURS ... so the merepek la...

what about HH?? no idea... seriously HH is like missing.. MIA... and the more i think about it, the more i know that nothing will happened.. there is no way of communicating with HH at all... not even in MSN coz he is not ONLINE at night... and even if he is, he will not be chatting... phone will be out coz he dun have my number.. i have his but i am not going to sms him first la coz i know he is not the type... the more i think of HH, the more i realized that he can be stuck up at times... like arrogant fellow...... but still i am thinking of him... hahahaha... but not as much as before la.. i think he is fading away..... SOON..

ZZ on the other hand, well i got nothing to say bout ZZ... we just started out in getting to know each other... i don't want to rush into things and end up getting hurt.. i learnt enuff from my past 2 relationships and phobia of trusting guys with sweet talks is still there... so taking step by step will be a good thing to do right now... been chatting, been smsing ZZ often this few days in fact after that shocking news... hehe... oh well, i am happy with that... there are more to know la about each other and the background.. it sure does takes time but i think it will be worth it la... even if the feeling is not that, we will be closer then before... so nothing is lost right here.. i am not GOING to mention here on my feeling towards ZZ... hahaha... only certain people will knows about it.. hahahaha.. i still have my fears la but as for now, i put all those aside and really concentrate on the issues.... have to have an open mind la... if not no point...... oh well.....

actually got one more NN... hahahaha... know NN thru Imesh la... and biggest mistakes was to give him my number.. STUPID me.. i don't reply his SMS, i don't answer his call and i already block n delete him in MSN but still that bugger still sms and call... byk kali lak tu in a day if i never pick up... so beside MM, NN will be another one... sheesh...

eh wait... got WM as well la... hahah byk seh... hahah but WM am not sure la... he bugs me when he is lonely... always call me on MSN la... even in Habbo as well... hehehe... k so what.. you all know WM in habbo so???? hahahaha.... the fact is that, i can still tolerate him... he did not bug me everyday la so it is fine with me... unless he starts to be annoying like MM and NN den it will be trouble... so lets see how long i can stand with WM, MM and NN ok... will update on them.... and will definitely update on the progress with ZZ... hahaha... i know you all want to know that only mah... lol

this, to me, come as a shocking news ever.. after 20 yrs of knowing each other and now he told he that he has a torch for me since pri sch... since 1991?? OMG!!! i am feeling confused right now ... i told him i don't have the feeling for him and he told me that feeling can develop... and yeah.. i agree on that.. feeling can develop over times.. wad impt are heart and sincerity and loyal ... and of course LOVE... now what should i do?? facing this situation so stress seh... Aku everyday stress.. mcm aper gitu kan... suarenz... hahahaa.....

now he is waiting for my answer whether i want to be his gf or not?? i am still thinking seh... with this age of mine, i don't think i just want to try and see how it goes.. i need a real relationship... someone that is not afraid of commitment and marriage and responsibilities as well... someone whom my dad will like as well.. as for now, my dad matters to me the most... is he da one?? am not sure... maybe rizal can tell me... r u the one zal??

i am going to pray and him for help.. maybe he can give me the answer within this 3 days to come ..... hopefully!!!

it is nice to be in a relationship and it is nice to know that someone love you and someone always there for you... but then it will be bitter if the sweets run out in the middle of it... experienced twice and NOT going to experience it again...

can you ever imagine the shocking i had when all were being revealed yesterday night? gosh!! heart attack sekejap... i knew something is going on and i also knew that all our frenz knew about it but i never thot that it will come to this stage where you confessed everything... am not sure what to say actually. should i be happy or should i be worry? will you be OK with what i told you this weee morning?? you sound happy and yet you told me you were feeling sad... you even refused to talk about it....

everything happened so fast... it is only like 2 months of knowing each other and that is why i never thot that this thing will happened again... i never thot that i will be facing this similar situation like 3 years back... but it did... but i am more focused now.. i know what i wan this time.. no more trying and just follow the heart... it is time to think hard about it... nothing going to change my mind unless god wans it to be... but other that , i am very firm about it... i am so sry that i make you feel sad when you are already at the lower point... but since you poured out all ydae, i presumed that it will be the best time to let you know about how i feel... at least it will not drag on and hopefully all this saga will just be a history for us to reflect back and have a good laugh....

friendship relationship with you will not be broken coz of it... i am big enough to NOT let both emotions clash together... the rest? it will be on your part ...

Another iftar ... this time with my Habbo Clans... I wonder why seh this year fasting month, i iftar outside almost every week.. sheesh... hahaha.... actually kan, i am also looking forward to every Iftar la... coz it will be the best time to really catch up, meet up and just be crazy as per normal.. Nak Start la nie.. lek3... chill beb....

After work, as usual, i out from the office at 4.30 sharp.. i am so looking forward to it since it has been postponed once la.. So, i met Keen at bln stn first before proceed to Bugis stn where we met Nek and going to Victory makan place where we met Naz. Bon2 was late la so we went in first to book the place and ordered the food.. Iskandar cannot make it last minute so in total, there were only, 5 of us... And this 5 can bring the whole Arab st down seh........


The bad thing is that the only food available are only Nasi bryani and Murtabak.. Amacam?? bedal je la.. nak buat aper kan.... So the girls shared one plate of Nasi while we all shared one plate of big Murtabak..




By the time Bon2 came, it was already like 7.30 gitu la (i guess) and all of us had finish eating except for Keen.. Hmm.. mula2, it felt so awkward when all were present la coz actually it was the first time meeting Bon2 seh... hehe... Even Naz told Bon2 this, " gini mcm la.. mula2 jumpa, yg ppn buat hal sendiri...semua... malu2.. , tapi lama2 nanti drg kecoh".. and Bon2 lei reply nie, "biasa la...". hahaha..... Then the bill came seh... A total of 23 dollar plus... So Naz took out his 10 bucks and place on the table and wait for the rest to fork out also la but then the girls still mind their own business seh... hehehe.. skali Bon2 kluarkan 15 ketol ahh beb.. hahaha... So plus Naz nye, a total of 25 bucks.. da cukup pun... hahaha... Naz said to Bon2 this, " so kira yg lelaki blanja ppn ahh nie nari?" and Bon2 said this, "Biasa la.. first time mesti lelaki..." hehe.. sweet kan??? hahaha...

After that, we went to pray Maghrib first at Sultan Mosque.. After done with that, we went to Bugis Street coz Nek nak beli jam la... And as usual la, the girls will walk depan while guys kat belakang seh.. and Naz told the girls this, "Leh slow down cket tak jalan? cpat nah seh.. ssh aku nk catch up.." but we ignore his plead seh.. hahaha....


lepas beli , ingatkan nk mkn ice cream kat swensen but Bon2 refused so we decided to lepak at carpark near Bon2's car la.. So, once again, we have to walk all the way back...... but while walking, we camwhoring aso... tgk tgk tgk....


And then, it started .... the girls' gilerness and hyperness cannot be tame anymore la.. we were like so the kecoh at the 'deserted' carpark la.. 'deserted' as in dark and not much ppl la.. best.. the girls were like dancing, posing, gler2, camwhoring and so forth.. we really enjoyed the moment there la... since the girls semua love to take pics, we asked Naz to snap our pictures now and now and now.. hahaha... serious seh... byk muka kita2 yg bergelar ppn2 nie..




it was speechless la that night... even Bon2 was kecoh as well...




Bon2 send all of us home la.. First, he send Naz and Nek back to Tamp den he headed down to CCK to Nas house for a while and then, he send me home first then Keen... Dlm kreta the hyperness still there la esp the girls.. No cool down cool down one... We 24 hours of monkey glerness... Inside the car, we were so loud seh.. entah la ehh.. why... haha.. but i just love it when we can be who we really are la.... hehehe... Along the way, listen to Jiwang.. tease Keen with Bon2... and so forth la.. too many to list down seh.. tak yah tau semua ahh... nak tau, lain kali ikut la.. At the end of the trip, Bon2 dpt 20 ketol seh untuk duit minyak.... happy tak Bon2?? hehehe..

panjang kan??? k da cukup k... the end....
PS: will update on the Iftar with my best buddies, celebrate Adeq bdae and Iftar cum shopping at Geylang as SOON AS I GET THE PICTURES FROM ADEQ...

i chatted with my friend, man, yesterday and i told him i was hungry la.. and that time, he was eating this noodle seh.. sheesh.. jeles seh i... den....
man: u nk udang.. tinggal satu je
me: kalau i nak pun, cam mana u nk kasi?
man: email ada... u nk i lei anta skrang.
me: haha.. ok2 i nk.. cpt2 kasi..

and so.. this is the prawn that he sent me yesterday...

i went geylang today (Tuesday) with my 2 best gfs and 1 of gf's sis and baby ariq.. hehe.. reflecting back on yester years, i just realized that today was actually my first time, since 11 years of knowing them, went with them to geylang.. hahaha... today i got special privileges from dad to go home slightly later then the usual.. so yeah.. enjoyed myself with dem to the max....

short entry ok... tired la.. tomorrow werk somemore... argh!!!!!!!! hehe...
will post up the pics once i am done with it.... kira outdated la gitu.. ok per......

no one can be like her.. she is the only one gitu.. she is the only one that never fails to make me laugh out loud even when i am into deep shit or into the well of drown... even in the morning or late at night.. she is always there for me and always ready to cheer to me up... who said internet frenz are all bad?? this internet fren of mine that i get to know 3 years back, is someone that i am proud to make her part of life... 3 years seem short to really get to know one another but within us, it just strike a lighting once we are together.. you can even hear the thunder roar at times.. eh wait, most of the times.. beware of earthquake as well when you walk the path and road of us... we know no shame and we love to cam whore the monkey ways... hmmm...

i had a conversation with her just now.... from one topic to another.. from one joke to another.. from one crankiness to another.. the conversation just flows n flows without any boundary to stop... once we join venture ..... the gilerness will be even more merepekness..... but we love it la coz.. coz we also merepek seh... but she more la.. coz she is the pelik-ness... hehehe ...

the middle part of our merepekness, i started to ask her about her opinions on all that are in out grps - habbo clans la.... and since i am aso part of it, so i ask her bout me.... and this is what she wrote / said ... :

"- nurul ashikin - says (8:37 PM):
sun.. nice fren ahh.. terlalu baik utk keen ah... u dun mind listen me crapping, eMoing.. or complaining..
- nurul ashikin - says (8:37 PM):
and i can jus say wat i wanna say to u ah.
- nurul ashikin - says (8:37 PM):
mcm takde limit2 gitu ah.
- nurul ashikin - says (8:37 PM):
nak giler.. giler je ah.. ape aku kesah
- nurul ashikin - says (8:37 PM):
gitu ah
- nurul ashikin - says (8:38 PM):
boleh bual ape2 laa nak.. tak kisah laa."
- nurul ashikin - says (8:38 PM):
compare u to me ah.
- nurul ashikin - says (8:38 PM):
i tink i'm not dat kind hearted like u.
- nurul ashikin - says (8:38 PM):
lalala~ "

see!!!!!... hahaha... then she torture me after that... since she type long2 for all the frenz like about 5 or 6 lor so she ask me to write a composition about her seh... hahaha... see!!! see!!! see!!! i got prove somemore ...... see urself la.... hahaha.....

"- nurul ashikin - says (8:43 PM):
mesti pjg2.
- nurul ashikin - says (8:43 PM):
bab keen da kasi sume org sehh
- nurul ashikin - says (8:43 PM):
penat seh type "

so being a nice fren like she said... hehe, so i did la... and this is what i wrote/said about her......

"wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:45 PM):
aper yg sun tau kan... u r nice, sweets, pendiam at times, kecoh at times and tu pun ikut mood n ikut tempat n with sapa.. n u stick with ur decision la..like kalau u dun wan, mati2 dun wan.. u hardly smile at times.. but bila kerja kacau2, u r the no 1... u alweys have topic or smth to kacau back..
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:46 PM):
topic alweys der la
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:46 PM):
walaupun mepek
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:46 PM):
but once u start kacau, u never stop la...
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:46 PM):
u funny aso.. u love to laugh.. u love to hop2, jln2 srg walaupun kat luar..
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:48 PM):
u aso can talk non-stop ahh actually, but juz that u choose not to.. u can laugh kuat aso n laugh n tease the person n laugh n tease urself at time n den laugh den u diam all the sudden with no smile.. den bila org kacau, u start to malu la.. den u will laugh again..
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:49 PM):
kalau keen marah, den u have ur limit aso.. sometimes u juzt stop arguing with dem.. at times u juz cont and dun care aper nk jadi jadi ahh as long ur msg is being send across.. u dun mind saper ahh but kalau keen tau keen tk bersalah, den u will go to any extend ahh.. kalau keen tk suka bual ngan someone, den u will not la no matter sapa force....
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:50 PM):
den u love to hang out with ppl yg fun.. kecoh n unlimited laugh.. ... u love company that u can be urself la.. u love to gler2 bila kat luar and bila cam kat dpan, lagi keen gler...
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:52 PM):
hahaha... den kan... kalau keen suka the food u ordered kan.. u will eat slowly n finish it n u will laugh tease semua ahh kalau the food keen ordered , keen tk suka, u will eat lagi slowly, den u kacau ppl byk den wen u look at ur food, muka tk smile pun.. den u will said, tak abes ahh
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:52 PM):
oh u love cute nye benda jugak... "

there!!!!
super duper long one right??? see.. what a nice fren i am... hahahaha..... eh 3 yrs and knowing that much bout each other is sooo the proud lor... der are more that we have yet to find out la but we will sure will... and oh, she agreed with what i said la... huh?? don't believe?? you think i got time to create story ahh??? wahlauuuu... k k fine, i show u proof... nah... ambek kau....

"- nurul ashikin - says (8:46 PM):
mcm mane sun tau keen suke jln srg2 kat luar niee
- nurul ashikin - says (8:46 PM):
stalk keen ehh?
- nurul ashikin - says (8:48 PM):
wahlauuu.. malu seh sayaaaa
- nurul ashikin - says (8:48 PM):
HAHAHAHA
- nurul ashikin - says (8:50 PM):
hahahaha!
- nurul ashikin - says (8:51 PM):
vveryyy trueee indeeed!
- nurul ashikin - says (8:51 PM):
wahhh. terharuuu sayaaaaa
- nurul ashikin - says (8:51 PM):
sobs sobsss
- nurul ashikin - says (8:53 PM):
HAHAHAHAH!
- nurul ashikin - says (8:53 PM):
funny ah part yg food!
- nurul ashikin - says (8:53 PM):
food keen suke ke tak.. masih tetap kacau org eh
- nurul ashikin - says (8:53 PM):
dat time i realised seh.. kat gelare. i ate so slow laaa
- nurul ashikin - says (8:53 PM):
den masih leh bual kacau sun dgn nek
wadever la.. fine la.... says (8:53 PM):
... tu ahh...
- nurul ashikin - says (8:53 PM):
padahal krg da lame stop seh.."

amacam?? enuff or not... still not enuff i show u the speech where she thx everyone...
"- nurul ashikin - says (8:51 PM):
i wanna thank my dada, mama, papa, sun sun for d long and complicated words of wisdom"

she also pick this one and use it as her pm at msn la.... sheesh!!! she used my name.. hmm
huda said ‘ you can talk non-stop actually, its just that you choose not to.’ Hmmmph!
SEE!! SEE! SEE!! she crazy kan....??? hahahaha...

k da...
i know she will kill me after reading this seh.. i want to put her pic but she said no... den she stop me from bloggin this entry also seh but i want to.... hahaha... my blog wad... hahahahaha

all i can say is that, i love her so much la.....

stupid... really stupid of me right??

to forgo the sleep just to have a laugh with the crazy habbo clans.. hahahah but then the fun makes me hard to forgo it la even for a day... so i came out with the solution while on the way to work... hahahahah... will apply it tonight if there is ONE... and we will see how it works...

going to finish soon the day of the month and soon i will start on my first hmmm...
hahahahahahah..... anyway!!!

it has been a while i watch TV seh.. all da way COMPUTER je seh.. mata punya la sakit... get addicted seh!!!!!!! woooohooooooooooooo

so everything finish?? or it is just starting??

oh yar.. da truth hurts badly.. stupid HIM.. stupid ME too to believe HIM... so angry seh... SUCKZ!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow... survived a single day today... ALONE... hahaha... scary la seh... but ok la.. tomorrow will be another day. i will be counting down.. hoping and praying that it will soon be over.. hoping that all will be back to normal... hoping that all will go smoothly... argh!!!!!!!!!

the guy voice was actually cute seh... haha... and when i called back for the 2nd time... he really sound even more cuter la with a smile and laugh on his part.. haahaaa... k k, i noe i am crazy..... hahahaha.... k da.. tu je...

will not be updating soon ok... bear with it...

oh yar, first day of fasting is over... time flies very fast... sooner raya will be here... hehehehe... k la... adios...

after a long time, finally we manage to slot a day even for a short 4 hrs pool and dinner session... it was fun.. for the first time, i really laugh a lot... of coz, janji melayu... haha will never be on time la esp wan, nas and iqi.. haha.. we waited like almost 1 and half hr seh for them... hahaa.... nvm... initially, plan was to go bowling but the lanes are only available after 5pm coz there were some events going on at Marina Bowling la.. so we decided to play pool instead.... it was so expensive.. 12 bucks per hr... we played for 2 hrs only la... so each person fork out 4 dollars... phew..... after that we went swensens to have our dinner.....

keen and me had a light dinner... ok ok.. we only had ice cream and fries.... but ok la coz i enjoyed the kekek-ness while eating dinner.... no words can describe seh the stupid things, the blur-ness, the fun-ness in the swensens.. you have to be there to really feel it la... lots of pinching and pukul also... hahaha...... pity the both nas n naz.... esp naz la.. cian kau kena bully...... hahahaa.....

my first time seeing nas and wan yesterday... wan was not that kecoh la.. in fact he diam only la.. all he did was just smile and laugh... and no words from him... haiz.... so the malu ehh wan... but on the other hand, nas was so kecoh... his blur-ness during fish n chip moment was hilarious la.... his running out of idea to pujuk iqi was also fun... hahaha... well, both naz n nas were the most kecohrable one..... they are like the so called 'entertainer' seh yesterday...

too bad la... the timing was so short... not enuff seh... i want more actually... hehe....... i had fun with all of them.. hopefully when there are next meet up, all can be present.....

enuff craps... here are the pictures.....
(missing people are Nek, Fiq, Iskandar, Kuro, Feeq and Tee)

while waiting for iqi, nas and wan.. here what me, keen and naz did...


while still waiting for them.. we decided to play pool first...


and more of me and naz...


while playing the rest came... so here it goes.............


Pool time for everyone...


Nas and Naz... the couple for the day...


And here.. the star player... goes to IQI.. *clap2*


phew!!... now swensen time....


the couple of the night... wan got 2 scandals seh.. nas and naz... lol


the three musketeers.... their look when they see this Krista gerl..


now see how the star player fed the 'baby' for the day... hahahaha..


phew!! dabes pun... haha... sapa2 baca jgn mara ehh.. haha..
last2.. all that are present... the crazy clan...


k da... finally... super long long one.... i had so much fun...

what with the constant checking of the phone?
with the constant reading of all the SMSes and the constant looking at the call log...
And worst, i am involved in it?? wait... i am FORCED to be involved in it...

what with the constant cold shoulder treatment?
with constant anger and 'can't be bothered' face showing to him every time he said something against your wish...
with the constant emotional shown on the face and the constant silent....
with the 'no' and 'don't want' attitude even like serving him food and drinks...
with the constant 'i hate it' face when he called you to take pictures together...
with the constant silent and NOT entertain him like you did before....
ARGH
i can see it... and i am sure others can see it too...

when will you stop with all this NO and don't want anymore?
he make a point and the first step every time but you ignore it and when he ignore you, you complain that he don't bother about you... i am confused on what you want actually........

it pains my heart when i can see the tears on his eyes when he said that he rather die now as you always scold him for no reasons... i know he mean it when he said it coz he cries when telling me that... and that too at the wedding... when everyone is there... the redness in his eyes is something that i will never forget....... he loses so much weight and you seems not to care about it... you care so much about others that you are not suppose to care... you cook for other, make sure they get the best food and make sure they eat.. you 'layan' them but what bout him?? the one that you should be entertaining instead of them....

will the Ramadan make any different? or will this raya put an end to everything?
or the Ramadan and the Syawal will be dull and full of anger... coz i know there will be something that you will just refuse to do it and show it in front of him and he will just walk away with the sadness in his face and the tears in his eyes....

AND DON'T BOTHER ASKING ME WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT
EITHER YOU KNOW OR YOU DON'T
THAT IS!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!

yes, finally manage to update on it...

Selamat Pengatin baru to my sis Nina Zalyana and Amin ...... It was a grand wedding. Seriously it was. It has tons of food as well. Nice deco, nice clothes and nice bedroom as well. he-he....... Oh well, enough to talking... lets see the pictures ok...

First was the solemnization which took place on Friday 08082008 ...




Second was the dinner on 09082008 in which I do not attend la but anyway just view the pics hor....






Third was the lunch reception which took place on 10082008...






And lastly, just the 2 of them.. from the solemnization to the studio shoot...








That is all folks... pictures quality are being reduced.. all are copyright ok...

Will update on the 16082008 wedding once i have the pictures....

meeting my poly friends after years was a good thing... a very enjoyable dinner with full of laughter and full of stories to update... hehe... full of teasing as well.. really miss all of them... i break my diet today. i ate rice for dinner.. hahaha...but no choice, meeting them at least have to eat if not it will not be nice right???

and the meeting today actually bring out something good.... i met my primary school friends as well after so long and finally manage to contact them back.. hahahaha... the 3 of us were like small kids..... screaming with full of energy... wah... miss them so much....

anyway, selamat pengatin baru Mahfudz... hehehe... luckily met Yusdi today if not we will never know... hehehe...

You say my love for you's not real
But you don't know how real it feels
All I want to do is to spend some time with you
So I can hold you, hold you

Your sister says that I'm no good
I'd reassure her if I could
All I want to do is to spend some time with you
So I can hold you, hold you

Plans fail every day
I'd want to hear you say
Your love won't be leaving
Your eyes aren't deceiving

Fears will soon fade away
Smile now, don't be afraid
All I want to do is to spend some time with you
So I can hold you, hold you

So let me whisper in your ear
Don't you worry they can't hear
All I want to do is to spend some time with you
So I can hold you, hold you

hahahahaa

it amazes me how a new encounter can be so the very close.... and how it stands up for you when you need them the most... he-he.. what ever happened was a laughing matters now to me. i mean in fact maybe to all of us. Something that i never thought it will ends that way and received so many supporters.. hahahaa.... i list down those that i know k...thx to iskandar, naz, kuro, wan, nas, iqi, mia and feeq... Did i miss out anyone?

i ma not going to change my blog URL. been doing some thinking about it. it is so tedious to change it and worst to even give my new URL to everyone.. furthermore, my blog skin reflected on who i am.. Princess!! so to change it means i have to change my skin and god knows how many NOT nice skins are there.. hahahaa.. in other words, i am just plain lazy......

today will be my 2ND day consuming it. i have to say it makes me active and no matter how late i sleep, i will wake up before 10am. unlike last time in which it can be reach all the way to 1pm or even 2pm. hehehehe.. i know what a lazy ass i have... hahahaha..... i am not sure how well it works but i have the confident that it will be a surprise...

where should i go today?

stop making assumption of my disappearing ok... there is a reason why i never tell you... so stop it k....

today went on well.... all seems good.. i manage to go and see the doctor as well.. finally, manage to get what i want.. i have yet to receive the good news... so all must wait for a while.....

i heard something funny but then again, i am not sure why it comes to that conclusion. i have my fear as well.. feeling so embarrassed if people knows about it.... i must get something done to it... i must do it.. people have been asking what is wrong with me?? seriously i am not sure.. but all i know, it is time for me to do something about myself and ignore about others. time for me to think about myself and not others. being alone for a while is not a bad idea. escaping from the socializing phrase for a while.... when will i be back? am not sure.. right now, i just want to be alone... i know it is good to have someone to talk to and let go of everything but this time, i just want everything to be in me.. i don't want people to know coz i know not all will understand and am not sure which one will understand as well so the best is just to keep it numb. am sure this phrase will soon be gone... i just need to hear the happy news and am sure i will be happy....

something is always spinning in my mind... i am wondering how many people knows about it.. or izit no one... am i just making myself worry for no reasons?? i cannot even give any answers.... i want to ask him whether he did tell what he promised to keep as a secret but i am just too afraid of the answers or maybe i am not sure whether to believe what he said or not... so stress...

taking too many panadols is not good as well so am not going to take it today... my body still painful maybe coz of my menses.... argh!!!!! everytime my menses is here, i always want to eat and eat and eat... hahaha.... i need food... anyone wana treat me?? lol....

received a call today and it seems weird... it is like not interested like that once i said i stay jurong. wth sia.... anyway, i will be meeting them tomorrow and if all went fine, i will be the most happiest girl on earth tomorrow. ha-ha-ha....

i am thinking did i make the right choice? will i be fine making this choice? will it last for forever or it will ends half way thru??

i am supposed to go and see doctor but i never la... tomorrow since i am going out then i will go there before heading to home...

i just pop 2 panadols into my body system.. he-he.. my body feel so airy inside.. so weak and so the painful.. after popping 2 panadols, the medicine really hit the spot.. now i am seeing double and feeling giddy.. it is time for me to sleep actually but i don't to la... anyway, i will force myself to see the doctor tomorrow. really need to....

i kind of miss eating ice cream at swensens... i miss eating the big burger at swensens... anyone wanna accompany me??

i also miss eating ice cream waffles at gelare... the chocolate waffles fuhyooh.. drooling over it.... anyone??

i need to buy whitening lotion already... have to....

and i miss adeq seh.. bila la kau nk online...

and seriously, i have no more idea what to blog seh... so mundane.. argh!! boring!!

well, gtg and sleep...

what i see really hurts me badly. i am going on hiatus for a while........

goodbye........

i will not respond to any sms or even call from all of you out there except my family la... i will still blog if i have something to blog...

till then, have a nice day....

yes i am going away coz of this problems and i am not sure how to face it. And seriously, i am all in confused. it is not about being weak but i think it is just normal for me to feel that way.

Anyway, i have decided to stop talking about it at all. it may bores the death of you all and i don't want that to happen... haiz... i am really so no in the mood and really need a good laugh.....

I have added a new video play list of my fave songs.. Songs from the past... Songs that you might not hear it anymore.. If you have the time, watch all videos or you can just listen to all of them... FYI, i have moved my playlist to be at the top of the entry.. further entries will be updated below the video playlist...or below the header "My Diary starts here". Hopefully you all understand what i am trying to said....

I know someone has been waiting for me to update this entry so.. this is for you, Misteri-Jam-12 or Teh-O-Ice-Limau..

I went to meet him at CCK ctrl station. I was supposed to help him choose something la. After CCK, we went to Tampines straight. We saw what we wanted to buy there... And after satisfied with it, it is time to go home.. A very short so called 'date' but ok la.. Feel so kekok but then it ends well...

I took 969 from Tampines Interchange to go home. I prefer to take bus then MRT. And then, it happened.. I was SMS-ing Naz while waiting for the bus and so, when the bus arrived, i hold my phone at one hand when i was going to board it but luck was not on my side.. I slipped. Badly.. My left leg went under the bus and my right hand was trying to prevent myself from slipping under. I hold the bus bar at the door there and 1 auntie helped to hold me and said haiyoh.. ha-ha.. very paiseh you know.. My left leg was so painful even until now.. The thigh was so hard... Seriously very painful... Worst, behind me was 2 malay guys.. So the paiseh even more.. I am not sure how i looked when i slipped that way. Just imagine, your left leg under the bus while your body lean forward straight up. Something like that.. Try imagine it and that is how i looked when i slipped... After that, i just tapped and went to sit down and msg Naz blaming him.. ha-ha... And both the malay guys sat behind me.. ha-ha.. All the way, i blast my ipod seh.. lagu nasyid lak tu.. ha-ha... Anyway, thank you auntie for helping me. I never said thank you coz of paiseh seh..

And I know, Misteri-Jam-12 or Teh-O-Ice-Limau will be laughing after reading it.. Until now sia, laugh at me.. Last time the CID mistakes.. and now this.. ha-ha...

I went to Johor with my family few weeks back. And we ate at this restaurant. It is actually our first time trying there. Ok la, not bad...Here what we ate...


After that, few weeks later, my sis-in-law bring my mum and me to shop at Vivocity. After round and round of shopping, we ate at Long John Silver first. Yes, first coz after that, we went to Secret Resipies to have another second round... Here what we have...


Few weeks back, my brother treat us to Swensen Earle that is located at Vivocity. I have been wanting to try it and finally, it comes true. He-He. The food is ok only la. It is not much but expensive la... Here is what we ate...



Ever since the new halal sushi opened at Pasir ris, i have been wanting to try it. Bit lazy to go myself coz it is so far from where i stay so when my sis-in-law offered to go with me yesterday, i grabbed it la.. The ice cream is delicious... We had a total of 11 plates of sushi.. Here is what we have...


Here is the most colorful toilet i have been too... And worst, the washing hand corner is being shared between the male and the female.. Argh!!!


Today, my sis-in-law and i went to IMM to eat at Secret Recipes. Here is what we ate...


There.. A whole entry full of foods. Tell you mah, my family loves to eat and eat and eat... Eating is our favourite past time...

And lastly, Happy Birthday Abah...
We bought 1 whole lot of Secret Indulgent for him. Shiok seh.. Stim to the max. And the best is that, he loved the cake... I wish him on the dot at midnight and i msged him the next day as well and then, when he came back from work, at the front door, i salam him, wished him, hug him, kiss him, hug him again.... he-he.. Then, he bathed and time to cut the cake... And then, i hug him again and kiss his head... hehe... Love you abah... Glad to see you smile and laugh....


And ohh... Happy Birthday to Elsa as well... May you get what you wished for dear... Stay witty forever...

I always listen to that program ever since Naz told me to. Kind of addicted to it already. Usually at my house nothing happened but today, at my bro's hse i heard noise at the door seh.. My room door. Not sure why also. Very loud one but a short one as well. He-He. I turned to look but there was nothing. For a while, my heart stop pumping. He-He... This sound to me is all normal. Even at my house kitchen i will hear chairs moving and so forth. And sometimes, people playing marbles also on top... But not sure why the sound i heard at this room in which i am now is so loud. just right beside me like that.. he-he.. k la.. dun worry.. i am fine... nothing happen.. insyaallah...
Naz... jgn macam2 arr... ha-ha....

Happy Birthday Abah...
Am not sure why you are so sad today. You are supposed to be happy esp on this special day.. love you so much..... pls smile and be happy k when i come home to hug and kiss u....

Another besties gathering.

This time we just went for dinner and chill around... We met at Jurong Point first, then we went to MacDonald for our dinner. After that, we went to library to borrow books and then, chill at the back of Jurong Point. Of course, the day will not be fun without the click of the camera.....

(pictures are animated...)
At the library....Both of them wanted to get some books to read so while browsing thru, apa lagi, cam whore a must...


After library, we chill behind the Jurong Point. While sitting down, sharing stories, giggling, teasing one another, reflecting the past and the present, our hands also moves... moves to click the camera....



Simply love the moment so much. Love both of you......

Sometime i wish it will be easier to take care of body like how easy for me to take care of my face. I am so happy with my skin now. Both the face and the body. I have been using masque everyday now. I have been using icare massage for my eyes for everyday. I have been washing my face regularly now. I have been using whitening cream every night as well. I have been doing all this for the past 4 days and the result is superb... i love it... But then to take care of the body is super difficult. To lose weight is so the major problem. I am trying with supplements and sort of that and hopefully something good will come out from it..

I have been using this aloe Vera cream that my sis-in-law recommended me on my body and neck and i love it. It makes my skin so supple and smooth. love it... love it.. love it... And oh my Victoria secret body scrub also finishing... i want to buy more... i love the smell of it. i smell so sweet and nice... hahaha... if only have the shampoo as well... he-he... phew... confirm wangi skali seh... hahahaha

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Why can't you just relax and have fun? Why can't everything be back to normal like it used to be?

My previous entry was short but it said what I wanted to say. The message have reach everyone that read it and am sure the readers know what is going on. Yes, my bro-in-law’s mum passed away today at 1am while sleeping. She has been sick for a while but none actually expected that she will go away this fast. God really loves her…

After morning prayer, I bathed and get ready. On my laptop while waiting patiently for my bro-in-law to come. I wore this ¾ sleeve long black blouse, my brown mini jacket on top and my white pant. Yes. A very big mistake of wearing that blouse. I never realized that it will be so stuffy later. He-He. Ya, got fan la but still stuffy… And worst, I cannot take off my scarf coz my blouse is so duper low cut. Yes, very low that you can see the full view of the cleavage. Argh!!… If only I knew that it will be stuffy, I will wear something else.. At least, I can take off my scarf. He-he… Anyway, I always be where the fan is. So, when it is time for them to move her body to mosque, I took that chance to catch on my sleep. I slept for 2 hours.

Beside that…
This is like my 2nd time seeing the whole process. Can be consider my first coz the first experience was during the death of my granny in which at that time, I was only 9 years old so really not much of memory being captured. The process of bathing her and the goodbye moment were really touching. Tears and sobbing can be heard from all parts of the hall.

In the morning, after my bro in law fetched us, we went to sheng shiong first to buy the necessary things and went to have our very quick breakfast. Actually my Dad said, family members can eat coz they need the energy thru out the day. Only those that come to pay their last visit are not suppose to eat and drink. Oh well…. I seriously did not know any of our adat… he-he…. hmmm!!

It is really sad to see someone you love is no more. I can understand how Dilah felt. I know she is strong. When she cried while telling me the story of what happened, it makes me want to cry as well. Stay strong k sis…

Life is full of surprises. … Keep the person you love closer to your heart and treasure them. Tell them that you love them.

Get well soon k Kak Gee. Anyway, please rest well so you can get well a.s.a.p and can get back on your feet again for more shopping spree…

Usually i will be awake at that time but today, i was asleep. Being woke up by a transformer voice saying i have a text msg. He-he!! Seriously, the transformer voice is so loud la.... Anyway, a message from my sister. I was in shocked after reading the message. Hmmmm..... Here i am, ready and just waiting for my bro-in-law to fetch mak and me.

My Condolence to you.....

Girls always care about their looks. Even when just meeting girlfriends, we have to make sure we look the best. Not so into the make up thingy, but the way we dress, the way we project ourselves, our hairstyle, our bag, our shoes and etc… it is not a big deal actually but we, girls, will somehow lose our confident once we knows that we did not project ourselves properly or we know that eyes are staring at us coz of something inappropriate. So to really show our big problem to the public is not easy but it is possible. You just have to be confident in public and be proud of that big problem you have. You can just pretend you are. I mean, life is full of acting mah… Anyway deq, it is not that big the problem. Just do it la… it may not be the way you imagine it is. Skali, no one notice it also… if you cannot see it on picture, who knows it also cannot be seen with just a glance at you.

Seriously, I got nothing to update. I have no ideas so I am just going to write whatever may comes to my mind. Be it logical or not. It is my blog. Not happy, go away la..

Yesterday was the worst day ever… Internet connection was so lagging like hell. Even hotmail cannot be viewed. Blogger was definitely the worst ever. I cannot even do anything at all. All I can do was just MSN. Sucks.. Seriously!! Even at 5 am, it was still down.

My eyes was so hot yesterday. Tears flow down just like that. When I put ice on it, it was so painful. Even putting cucumbers on it, it does not solve the heaty-ness in my body esp. on my eyes. So hot!!! And my neck, I felt that my skin is tearing away. Really painful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was talking to Wan yesterday and this song, “minah-minah tudung” be the topic for 5 mins. I remembered the video that I saw few weeks back. It is not the music videos of the song but the mimic of it. It is really cute and funny esp. the small girl in it. Even if you don't understand Malay and the lyric, just watch the videos and have a great laugh ok. I was LOL.

~Video from Singapore




~Video from UK




~Video from Malaysia

A stranger’s heart is a very exquisite story. From the beginning down to the ending, every path of the reel never failed to make you feel touched by the whole plot. I can never imagine going thru everyday’s life with a stranger heart. And when you thought that you are safe when getting a new heart, a relapse can happened any time once your body rejects it. And when you are happy that you are getting a new life after the transplant, confusion occurs when you realized that everything you see, you feel does not belong to you but it belongs to the owner of the heart.

A stranger’s heart has been gratifyingly shot of 2 separate individuals getting a new heart each from a pair of husband and wife that died of car accident. The whole touching moments start from when both of the individuals have this constant dream about a young girl. Beautiful girl of the husband and wife. And the process on how the individuals come together, falling in love, telling the girl the truth story about them and coming to a decision to wed after going thru a lot of obstacles, barriers and tears were so marvelously craved. Watch it….

My jeans are ready. Yippie!! Thx to Mom of course. She altered the length and make it smaller and tighter for me. He-he.. Thank you Mom. Love you so much…

I do (but I don’t) is another love story that will just makes your jaws laugh and awe in amazement. A very beautiful plot, of course, and very romantic love story. Love is about taking risk. Love is about trusting someone. Love is about giving a second chance. Love is about joining hand with the guy that is not afraid or embarrassed about who you are, how you look and what you do. Love is about loving the man that love you dearly. Nicely said right?? Pluck all from the “I do (but I don’t)”. Watch it….

Everything is being confirm. What I feel about it, does come true. Well, sometimes I feel like ignoring you completely but my heart become soft when you approached me first… but I am strong about 1 point about you and that 1 point of you has change my perspective towards you completely.

how sensitive can you be? it is so ridiculous.. here i am, thinking that you have change but my thought was wrong. you are still the same. i have decided to just ignore.. maybe what adeq said was true. just ignore and go far, far away. i really feel that you are just taking advantage of me - of our friendship. NVM! You are history.....

yesterday was like the stupid day of me. i should have see the company first and the country. how dumb can i be? really dumb. he-he... i send my resume to this company in Egypt and i am scared as hell of what will happened... Resume with all the particulars and picture of me?? haiz.... stupid me... hopefully nothing bad will happened...

i really hope all this will just go away... and no more problems occur... down with such a bad luck lately. And today, never see the doctor also... but i manage to buy straits times.. hehe... i also have been listening to Rabbani and Raihan songs a lot.. Not sure why but the songs calm my heart in a way or another....

it has been ages since i last met my IBM girls.... it strikes me when i was chatting with Kanz yesterday... definitely will be there on the next IBM...

When Di wrote in her blog about different types of friends, it makes my mind work. Thinking on the different bunch of friends that i have... i think we all will have this type of friends in our circle no matter where or who we are. The type of friends i meant are, according to DI,

[1] Friends, who make themselves visible when i am needed. And gone when what they want is gone. Only to reappear when they need me again.
~ I have a couple of friends that fall into this category. As much as i want to ignore them, it is so hard to do it. I always feel their presence when they need help from me. They will go to the extend like pretending how excited they are to keep in touch with you back but once what they want is over, they will just leave you hanging without feeling any guilty.

[2]Friends, for whom time has changed them, so much so that i don't recognize them anymore. And i didn't mean it in physical terms. A different person in the old body.
~ I have this type of friends as well. And the fact that I knew them for more than years, it break my heart to see the extreme changes in them. But well, people do change but i never expect that when they change, they will change their friends as well...... ignoring the old boring friends and go with the new fun one when actually, the fun starts with the old one....

[3] Friends, who were in my high priority but sadly, i wasn't even in their list of priority.
~ I am not sure they knew it or not but seriously, i can feel and know which friends put me in their list of priority. If i want to name them here, it will shocked them if they happen to stumble and read. It is best to be private. Those that i feel falls under here can be said quite close to me as well. How I know? Simple... with just their actions.... that is all...

In conclusion, the worst friends ever will be those that falls into all the 3 types mentioned above.. Don't you think so???

Let me share with you about this 2 guys that I am close with .......
[1] I surprised myself when i am close with this one guy in which i am not close before. It is like some spark happened. Spark of friendship of course. Of course not so close like best friend but close enough to be under my list of priority. He is always there when i need someone to talk to. I can just call him anytime or SMS him any day and I know he will reply me on the spot. He is funny and he can stand my lame and cranky jokes. I don't even need to be different. I just need to be myself when i chatted with him. Hopefully he will not turn out to be a monster. he-he... I know him for 2 years plus fyi..... he is one friend that i have fun chatting with and non stop jokes and craps until wee hours....

[2]I also know this guy for more then 3 years and at first, i admit, i don't fancy him but then, after getting to know him again, i am surprised that there is more of him that i don't know... he is a cool guy. Someone who will always be there for me although we never chat or meet often. In fact, we haven meet at all... Someone who will give me advices and make sure i am ok with constant asking about my health and feeling every time i come online and always accompany me until wee hours when i am down or when i am feeling so hyper....

In another conclusion ....
I am still trying to get my primary school friends.. so far only manage to be close with 2... i don't meet my secondary friends anymore although we do keep in touch thru friendster and facebook... My NYP friends have long been gone from my life... Only few from DI like Jasper, Lam and Sadiq ... and the Malay guys from D2 are still in touch with me....

I don't have any regret that i am not close with them... actually i don't mind coz i know that I am happy that i have my 2 best friends, my IBM, my PG Clan and my blog hopped friends like tic, kynz, tazz and raleah in my circle of friends.... We all share something in this life... one way or another.......!!! but it will be nice to have those dead friendship back to live....

to end this entry... ;
few guys are making so much noise at car park... and it is only 5 in the morning.. please la, if u want to wake up as early as that, no need to tell the whole neighbour k...

hehehe.....

today plan was canceled.. really looking forward to it actually... it has been a long time hanging out at town with my besties. like what adeq said, we make the town into chaos during our planet Hollywood project way back into yester years but deq, that was so long time ago seh... if i not wrong it was during sec 2 and we got an A for it.. Our hardwork.. maybe we should blog about it at 3dinamix - about how we learnt how to pronounce the word turkey and how many money changes we went and how me met Miss Mimi and her boyfriend back then... And how we said his eyes are big. he-he... tgk la.. i know you are lazy to update.. so am I!!

Omnia is about everything you desire. Easy function and well build in application. From just a simple touch, you can review everything easily. When I said Omnia, it concludes everything. The beautiful design, the sleek shape and the glossy touch to it. You want something that can be proud of, Omnia is the answer. Your wish to have everything you desire. Omnia has it. It has what you wish for and it has everything. Goes well with the name Omnia right?? It is…..

You can do everything with it. With just a simple touch and a simple button, it gives you more than what you imagine. It is like the whole world is in your small palm. Makes your life easier on the go as well with the user friendly menu and application. What more can you ask for?? If you ask me, Omnia is the thing. Omnia is the trend… You on, you click and there you are. Be mesmerize by the way Omnia makes your life easier..

Omnia means everything to me. It has something that will makes everyone glance at it with envy. It has very unique design and what I like about Omnia is the big screen. You can see everything clearly. Omnia is everything, everything that I wish…

Strange how friends come about in our life. Without any warning, it will enters and either stay there or leave thru the back doors. Although my friendship moment starts way back into my Kindergarten in Masjid Assyakirin but I don’t actually remember any of those friends except for 1 girl who happened to be my neighbor and my classmate in Primary School in which we are not close…

The real friendship I have was when I stepped into primary 4. During primary school, hanging out with guys was like a must. Oh, we do know the meaning of BGR back then and teasing each other was a must too… he-he…

During primary 4, Hanizah and me were like an item. Going everywhere together and doing things together. We got separated during primary 5 coz of different class and coz of that, I got to know Lina. We became best friend. We became so close that I have to say, people was jealous. Ok, only 1 girl was and she hates me. Seriously she did ..

During primary 6, I had the best classmate and the best form teacher. My class was united. We did everything together. We even had our own group… I forgot the name of our group actually but I knew it consists of Malays mostly and 1 Chinese guy. We had fun doing things together. Got into trouble together. Making fun of others together. Calling father’s name at each other. (back then, it was famous - hehe)… During PE, lunch, Malay class, art class and almost everywhere la, you can always see all of us… Even hanging out after school, catching tadpoles during lunch and doing drama on stage also together.. That drama was the best one.. The most hilarious drama we ever did… haiz.. Those moment!!

I still remembered we had this Chinese guy that we love to tease coz he was kind of slow and blur. So we always tease him with another Chinese girl that he likes. But at the same time, Danny and the rest will tease him with me coz he only allowed me to touch and see his things like pencil, eraser, files, etc etc. No one else… He-He… Really funny la…

I had a close relationship with Danny. We sat next to each other in class and we always shared things and talked non-stop. Those were the days….. During primary 6, my form teacher, Miss Aminah had this concept that those who never bring books will either sit behind or pay a dollar as a punishment. Seriously, those time, everyone wants to sit in front. Actually only me and Danny la… Ha-Ha. We always compete on that.

We also had this pen pal letter writing game where we must write a letter to our pen pal and pin it on notice board and the pen pal must reply it as well. I still remembered mine… I forgot his name but he was close to me and he was cute actually. During the last day before we changed pen pal, he wrote me a letter saying who he was and he asked me to read it to myself and if I allowed others to read, then, I am not a girl. Ha-ha.. Back than, that quote of , ‘you are not my friend if you …. “, “you are not a girl/boy if you…” were like an in-thing.. It was...

I still remembered that I was being Monitor for a day for the whole 4 classes during Malay period. And I just wrote down all the names that were being noisy and coz of that, I did make Rasyid cried.. I just wrote down even after he said to me to give him chance.…Well, actually, Lina, Hanizah and Roslinda asked me to la… he-he…. Peter was my partner in crime. My close friend as well.

Oh, primary 6 camp was fun.. Playing with the mud and so forth… sleeping in the wet tent that have frogs and everything.. Shiock la… but the best was when we had to dance… My dance partner was Jaseri but once into the dance, we will change partners.. He-he…

When we were in Secondary 1, we came back for primary 5 camp to help out… All of us… Me, Hanizah, Roslinda, Rabuanal, Lina , Jaseri and others.. Initially, the guys were supposed to sleep in the library and the girls in the music room but when the teachers were all sleeping, the girls went to the library to hang out with the boys.. The hanging out was fun… We listened to songs and slept together on the sofa…

Haiz….

Now, I only in touch with Rizal and Hamdi.. I am not sure about the rest.. Really wish that I am able to keep in touch with them back.. Like Lina, Hanizah, Roslinda, Rizal, Hamdi, Jaseri, Ishak, Peter, Danny, Rasyid, Anqi and so forth and all from 6/4 class...….. Here is the only class photo that I have… I grabbed it from Hamdi actually... The one that has arrow on their head are the one that I am close with...

A close up will be..

It all seems weird. He makes me so confused. He goes all around the clock. And I am not sure of how he feels about me. I wish to ask but I am scared. I just wish he tells me straight.. It makes my life easier. It is not that I will say yes but at least I can reconsider it. He-he. The game he is playing makes me and my friend confused and making tons of assumptions.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S never failed to make me laugh. I just love the whole series. It does reminds me of my best friends. He-he…. Just imagine if 3 of us are to stay in 1 flat. It will be crazy….. He-he….. I know it is coz when we went to Malaysia, it was havoc in the hotel room. He-He……

Today marked my first day of fasting. I still have a long way to fast. He-He… Yesterday also marked my 2nd day of TruDetox. Not sure of the outcome but I will continue it still… I am on diet as well… And since I am fasting, I will just be eating dinner per day… I ate rice today for break fast and I think tomorrow onwards, no more rice.. I think I will eat biscuits. How is that?? I will try k..

After my dinner a.k.a break fast, I used this slender shape machine and icare machine. After using the icare machine, my eyes become blur… even after I blink thousand times also, still it is blur… Slender shape machine is supposed to make you lose weight.. Trust me, I don’t know the result.. Just used it actually.. Hopefully, it will helps…

I am not sure when I will go to the doctor… I think I will go this Thursday before my Interview at 4pm. I am not sure whether I want it or not. I told her I am not interested but she asked to come down still… so yar.. I can go and try… Am not sure how she gets my number tho.. Hmm!!! You must be asking why I need to go and see a doctor right? Well, simple reason la… to go and take slimming pills… he-he… but I still not sure whether I want to take it or not… everything is still in blur..

For the first time, my heart lost to the sweet words from a novel. A novel that has deep and meaningful meaning to every words that is being written. A novel that makes me cry reading it. A novel that moves my heart. A novel that shows how great my religion is. I am not sure of the feeling that I felt while reading it. Reading words by words, I never realized that tears flow down my cheeks…. A very beautiful novel that you ought to read it and feel it for yourself…

It makes me think on what have I done in the past 24 years? Whether I really did follows everything that is being taught to me? I admit that at some point, I forget. I become lazy. I admit that within this 24 years, the best year will only be my childhood year where I know I have no sins or so whatever… I admit that I have so many sins in me. And I admit, that the feeling of regret is swimming around in my blood right now every time I think about the sins that I did.

Thinking about the great of love especially during the first night is so much different from the feeling of love that I felt before. The way the novel describe the love of someone who never met or being touch is so sweet and romantics that I, myself, wants to feel that way. But can I? when I know hugging and kissing another guys have been done by me before… The novel really opens up my eyes to the meaning of love. To the meaning of real love to be exact… and I really hope to find my one true love too…

I have to say that I am weak when it comes to handle few tests from Allah. I always give up halfway or just put it away in the pretext of not acknowledging the problems. I become weak easily. I bottled up everything without trying my best to solve it. I am afraid to open up to anyone. I become a stupid person by not asking for help when I need one. All coz of fear of being mocked, being laughed at and the exact feeling is because I am embarrassed…. The book taught me that the best way is to share.. Is to ask for help because when we ask for help, it means it comes from Allah…

What have I done? I always ask myself that question. I am always afraid to face the truth. In fact, even when I have the evidence or even I know the keys to the solution to solve my problems, I will still afraid to use it. I don’t dare to face anything. I always afraid of new problems that will arise from the evidence that I show… that is why I always keep it to myself. For an example, like the problem I am facing right now.. The problems involving 2 persons that I love so much. The problems that always make my cry. The problems that I wish I can help but I am not sure how. To tell the truth or not to tell?? I always have the negative thinking in me that telling the truth will just make all worst.. But I know that it is wrong… Sometime, telling the truth can solve it. But even knowing that, I am still afraid… I am afraid to open up… I am not sure what I can do or what I cannot do… I am not sure how capable I am……. I have no idea who I am actually…. I lost faith in myself long time ago… I lost my identity… I lost the person in me… I am not who I am..

This has to stop. I must rise up… I must not sit down anymore.. It is time for to me stand up. It is time for me to make the first move and change everything.. I should believe in Allah… I should do my best and leave it to Allah to decide… I should change myself and my way of thinking… I should be who I am in the past…. I should be that way… no more bottled up everything… I will share it.. I will tell those that I trust and love and dear to me so that they will help me up… I must be brave to move forward and always face with any tests with open heart and a smile and redha…..

I am not sure what will be my first step… all I know, I will follow my heart… what I desire first, I will fulfill it first… I will make sure that it will be done before moving on and if I ever get stuck, I will make a promise to myself that I will never give up. I will keep on trying….

I have so many negatives in me...
I must change to be more positive .......

Right now, all i hope is for this problem to be solve... and not to rise up again..... i miss the old time with both of you... i miss the fun and laughing moments with both of you.

To tell lie about another person is the biggest sin… I know the consequences of being the victim of false allegations. I know the feeling of being labeled a liar by someone dear to you although I knew that I am telling the truth since the evidence is in my hand. I admit that whatever happened to me in the past has really makes my self confident drop to the max. Being mocked at and not having the feel of love has make me a lonely girl. I prefer to be alone most of the time.. I hate to hang out with them.. I rather sit alone in my room or going out or eating alone now. Whatever happened in the past tormented me so much even until now, I can still hear all those words being thrown at me… what did I do? I cried myself to sleep. I keep quiet most of the time. I be by myself most of the day… when people mocked me or say anything about me, I did not fight back. I just smile and ignore. I just keep quiet although I am feeling so hurt inside. This things have been happening way back to my secondary years… Those were the years that change my life completely and by the time, I step in Poly, things got worst… everyday was like a disaster for me… being ‘fitnah’ for something that I never did…. Being called named by someone you love dearly was what hurt me the most. I afraid to tell anyone.. I don’t want to hurt them … even typing this down, I am crying… thinking of my fate in the past… it is something that I want to forget but I can’t…. when I look at the person that brings so much pain in my life, I cannot help it by to reflect back on what happened… I cannot help but to hate the person… but at the same time, I cannot lie to myself that I still love the person dearly….

With the problems that i am facing now, it seems that the past has come to be the present...

crying right now while doa to him....
no one understand how i feel... and no one knows what is happening to me... behind those smile and laughter.... there are tears and sadness.... and this i swear, it is the truth...

i cannot do it... i cannot do it... i am too scared to do it.. i am a coward.. for this thing, yes i am... i am really sorry... but i just can't... i don't want to side on anybody... i will suffer if i have to.. i will go away if i have to... i will go away when the time is ripe... maybe you feel i am the burden... you punish me for something that i never do it... you punish me for something that has nothing to do with me in the first place... i am just a loser la.... i am so sorry... maybe you can just pretend that i never there... pretend that you don't have me at all.... i will survive... i will try and i promise, i will not ask you for anything or any help... again, i am so sorry for saying i won't do it...

new segment added at the sidebar: LOL. Watch the video.. worth the loading and worth the laugh.. deq, 3dinamix updated...

the truth is being revealed today... am really shocked on how well he can take it... am really surprised that he knew all way long what is the problem... am really sad on how things turned out to be.. can really see the big gap in the between... the silent on both part.. the nerve on wanting to be close can be seen but the way of doing it is still not there... both let it slip by without even trying to make any first move... both left the gap getting further and further... the question asked today was really something unexpected... like as if, asking for help... but i am so stupid.. i am not sure on how to help.. all i know, each other is waiting for other party to make the first step.. ego plays a very big role... none willing to give in... none willing to say anything... none willing to do anything... how long this will go on?? it is getting worst day by day... i am stuck in between.... i hate to be in the middle....

out of the box:
just have this feeling that, that someone is actually
ignoring me..... it has been a long time now.. hmmm!!!! and i cannot figure it out why..

stop venting out your anger on me just because you are so stress out with whatever happened... really hope that you will open your eyes and realized that the person that you consider as family is actually your biggest enemy.... living now is like a torture for me... dragging my feet everyday... all i know, the moment i am there in front of you, words of anger will be thrown at me... that is not fair... can you see that your problem with him actually effect me a lot... a lot that i am crying and in fear of what will happen next.... what will happen to you...??? he said he is going to die and dying early will be good, but did you realized how much i need you?? how much i love you?? I still need you to be by my side.....

note: for you that know who is the he and the she or what i am undergoing now, please do not reveal it here... if you have to comment, he and she will be fine instead of saying the name or the relation.. i prefer to keep it low profile....

i never thought that this will happen. of all, to me. it really stress me out thinking about it. everyday, i am living in fear that new things will happen. new things will occurs. new things will build up. why? why now? why? why? why? third party really make everything worst. when one is happy, you came and destroy everything. when all is going on well, you have to come and make it hay wire. don't you have a life? or your life just revolve handling other ppl's life and making it worst? i despise you even more. i hate you!!!!!! i wish you will be out of my life forever.. i really wish something will happen to you... i know it is not a good wish but seriously all this have to stop, esp you. STOP POKING YOUR NOSE INTO EVERYTHING ABOUT US. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME AND YOU ARE NOT PART OF US AT ALL. WHAT MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE ONE OF US? NO ONE ACCEPT YOU. NO ONE NEEDS YOU. YOU ARE JUST A TROUBLEMAKER AND I HATE YOU.....

I HATE YOU... I HATE ALL THIS SHITS THAT HAPPENED NOW. I HATE IT... I HATE IT SO MUCH. WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Added 6 videos at the side bar.. watch it if you free.....

Another besties get together cum cam-whoring moment. This time, we just went to a nearby place. Actually, nearby my place la. None other then the Superbowl. He-He. I met them at 6.15pm and we went to have our dinner first at the Food mart. Actually, only both of them had dinner while i only had my ice lemon tea. he-he... Anyway, initial plan was to go bowling but Izah was so lazy to bowl so we decided to just chill under the void deck but Adeq refused and so we went to play pool. Yup. It was good actually coz the place was not even crowded. And we were the only female there. There were so many empty tables and we had a lot of fun giggling, telling stories, revealing secrets, gossiping about boys and JUST making noise... I also learnt to play pool... he-he... Adeq had a 'great' time coaching me.. and Izah had a great time motivate me and de-motivate Adeq. hahahahahahaha.... I was almost give up la.. but lucky not... Anyway thank you Deq, Izah...
{Pictures are animated..... so do stare at one pic for few seconds before going to another one aite}








After the pool, we went to have a grab at MacDonald first before heading to park for our chit-chatting, secret telling, gossiping and cam-whoring... Again,
{Pictures are animated..... so do stare at one pic for few seconds before going to another one aite}






And our very own Singapore Next Top Model Wannabe goes to..... Adeq.. *Clap2*


Note: Deq, check our 3dinamix...

pardon me for not updating... he-he..
i was just tired

let's see...........

On Thursday.....
I went to Abg house for sleep over. As usual, Abg Nizam sent me there la... i was lazy to take bus and mrt la... i reached Abg house at 6plus.. nearly 7 like that la.. Changed and went to try the new OSIM massage chair that Abg bought. I really love the neck part. Shiock!!!! Can sleep seh..... After that, went to had my dinner... rice and curry chicken.. and double cheeseburger.. he-he.... Then, just chilled and slept on the sofa bed at the karaoke room with Kak Gee.

On Friday.....
Kak gee woke me up and asked me to follow her to beach road to have our hair done. At first, i want to but then i decided not. I want to wait for my hair to be long first before cutting it again and this time with style. And maybe dye my hair color to purple.. How???? hehehe..... the whole process of doing Kak Gee's hair took 2 hours. And without lunch, we headed to expo for the John Little Sale. We spent the entire afternoon there... We only had lunch at 6 plus.. late lunch to be exact.... In total, Kak Gee spent around 300 plus dollar on the sale.. After spending that much, we had lunch nearby.... And then we went back in for 2nd round but this time, never buy anything la. After that shopping, i was so dead tired and sleepy. Really not sure why... Usually, if i follow Kak Gee to go shopping at Vivo, I will never be THIS tired but shopping at EXPO really drained my energy out. ha-ha.. Reached home and sleep. Woke up at 10 plus (was forced to wake up - hahaha), eat tidbits and had chicken rice for dinner. he-he... And chat with my bestie until 3am. And then, sweet dreams..... That night, i slept alone on the sofa bed... he-he...

On Saturday....
I woke up at 3pm la... Like a total of 12 hrs of sleep. Hah!!! Woke up, bath and had late breakfast. And then, in the afternoon, slept again until 7 plus... Chilled and sleep on the sofa bed at the karoake room with my sister (Lisza).

Today i will be back home... And at night got religion class.....
OK la, see you!!

Updated on 26 June at 1.52pm: Even laughing is a sin for me NOW...

Updated on 26 June at 5.46am: I reached home from an interview at 12pm and i slept at 1pm all the way to 6pm. Wake up to have my late lunch and went back to sleep at 8pm until 10pm. Msged my bestie that I will not be online and then went back to sleep at 10.10pm until 1.30am. Talked on the phone with Wan until 1.45am and then back to dreamland until 2.45am. And now, I am wide awake since 2.45am... A total of 11 plus hrs of sleeping... WOW!!

I went for an interview today at MOM. My first time stepping into that building i think and i nearly lost my way. For 10 mins, i was searching high and low for it and finally manage to see the building. My interview was at 10am but i reached that at 9.20am and i have to wait for 40mins for the interviewer..... i was supposed to meet one lady but end up, i meet another lady - the supervisor... she was the one interviewing me... The interview was a blast. Everything is ok and well... questions being asked by her were answered well for my part... and questions asked from me to her were also being elaborate... the whole interview ends at 10.30am.... Fast hor!!! good la.... my menses is killing me also.. Yes, yes, Yes, my MENSES is here.... weeeeeeeeeee.....

My brother will be going to Thailand for some work related... and so i might be sleeping over at CCK until Sunday to accompany my sis-in-law.... Should I go today or tomorrow or maybe Friday???

I never wear ear-ring for so long and so yesterday, i try to wear one just to see if the holes become smaller or not la and to my amaze it is la... i have to force it to go through and now my ear is swollen... haiz...

Research shown the sign of depression as below:
A Persistent Sad, Anxious, or "Empty" Mood
One of the most common signs of depression is a constant and overwhelming feeling of sadness. You may also just feel empty or apathetic. Anxiety often accompanies depression. It may be intense, as though one is in great danger. In the case of anxiety associated with depression, that state of tension may persist for no apparent reason.
~ i feel "empty" most of the times...

Feelings of Hopelessness and Pessimism
When you are in a depression, you may not be able to see your way out. It may feel as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You may begin to lose all hope for things improving, for life getting any better.
~ i get this feeling most of the time.. almost everyday...

Feelings of Guilt, Worthlessness, and Helplessness
With this sign of depression, you may think that the depression is your own personal failing, that it's your fault that you aren't happier or more productive. The fact is that those feelings are direct symptoms of the illness.
~Big time... everyday i feel helpless and worthless......

Loss of Interest or Pleasure in Hobbies and Activities
You may lose interest in everything around you. You may not want to do anything or see anyone. Things that would bring you pleasure before are now just one more burden to deal with. Most people even lose interest in sex; others use it as an escape, like alcohol or drugs.
~ i don't have this sign ...

Decreased Energy, Fatigue, and Being "Slowed Down"
With this sign of depression, your thinking and reactions may be slower. Even your movements may become slower, or seem slower. This slowness is further complicated by fatigue -- or feeling overwhelmingly tired a lot, or even all, of the time.
~ i don't have this sign ...

Difficulty Concentrating, Remembering, or Making Decisions
Depression can affect your ability to make decisions, think clearly, perform complicated tasks, concentrate, and remember things. You may feel that you are unable to remember things that you did before, focus on your work, or make decisions.
~ i don't have this sign ...

Difficulty Sleeping, Early-Morning Awakening, or Oversleeping
Sleep disturbances are a common sign of depression. A "good night's sleep" becomes virtually impossible. Many people complain of waking up in the middle of the night with their mind racing, wondering how they are going to overcome all of the obstacles before them. Others do little other than sleep but never feel rested. In both cases, the built-up fatigue can aggravate every other aspect of depression.
~ i have trouble sleeping at night. Always sleepy in the day and wide awake at night...

Appetite and/or Weight Changes
Depression affects the appetite in one way or another. Often, you just lose interest in eating because the food has no taste. When anxiety is high, you may not be able to eat. In some cases, however, people will overeat out of frustration or misery.
~ i don't eat much now.. always one meal per day.... thats all... not like last time..

Restlessness and Irritability
You can never relax, and you never feel rested. It isn't surprising that you would feel angry, irritable, and never at peace. Men may manifest this irritability by lashing out at the people around them, having a volatile temper, not being able to sit still, and perhaps even feeling angry at themselves for not being able to pull out of it on their own.
~ At times, i do feel restless... but not everyday... this few days don't have..

Thoughts of Death or Suicide; Suicide Attempts
When you suffer from depression, thoughts of suicide are often common. If there is no relief over a long period of time, suicide can feel like the only way to end the pain.
~ i don't have this sign ...

Persistent Physical Symptoms
The stress, tension, and fatigue of depression can often manifest themselves as physical symptoms. People may experience stomach aches, indigestion, diarrhea, constipation, constant headaches, tightness in the chest, difficulty breathing, backaches, or many other symptoms. It is always possible that these symptoms indicate another medical condition, so it is important that you consult a physician in either case. The symptoms are real and need to be treated.
~ i have backaches badly (i think due to menses coming) and constant worst headaches. I go toilet more often... more than 3 times per day.

So what do you think?? Am i suffering from depression?
I took this online test... result is:

A very new way of designing mousepad. Oh well, if you love boobs so much, this mousepad is just for you.... I took this from http://nordinsulaiman.blogspot.com/2008/04/antara-kreatif-dan-kepentingan-diri.html and I like the way he mentioned it. "If you cannot squeeze the real one, fake one will do..hehe"


And ladies, you want to feel free?? Here is something that will catch your eyes... C-String. Go ahead and grab it..


Feel sexy.... And if you are wondering how to wear it... here is an example ......

Pictures and infomation taken from: http://wallaby-michy.blogspot.com/

what season is this in which the heart blooms like a flower
in which the colours merge...
and all the fragrances blend
moonlight, brooks and clouds...
songs, rain and butterflies...
they are seem favourable to me

what season is this in which the heart blooms like a flower
oh look!
banks of a river...
A bird calls out to another bird
look, at the river itself...
she flows on to unite with the sea
all these journeys are part of love's caravan

what season is this in which the heart blooms like a flower
oh how can i explain...
how can i make you understand what love is!
there are not attachments in love
and neither are there any barriers
love's saga is extraordinary

Another masterpiece. Did it for my friend, Nazly... Ha-Ha

Animated Pictures uploaded.. Scroll down.. Updated at 1.23pm

http://sinned-angel-stock.deviantart.com/art/Weirdface-8-88697901I read my past blog and all memories started to flow back into me. The memories of me with both Sadiq and Iskandar. The memories on how I end everything with Sadiq and start all new with Iskandar. The memories on how I fight with Iskandar. The memories where Iskandar and Me break up. I read all 500 entries yesterday and tears flow down. I felt the pinch so much that I feel it just happened yesterday. The feeling of regret is there big time. Is it normal to feel that way? I am not sure whether I should delete that blog? It will be a pity to delete it coz it is the only proof of what I experienced in the past. But then again, delete it will not mean my past is over right??? haiz...

I went to IMM Secret Recipes yesterday with my 2 besties and Elly had so many complains to do about the food. If you like spicy food, then you will be disappointed with some of the main course. Elly was... She always said, the food is not spicy enough la. All prawns only la.. Ha-Ha..... But the Chocolate Indulgent and Banana Split was a bomb. Yummy!!!!!! And so we have concluded that the next time we visit Secret Recipes, it will solely be for cake tasting. So when will it be?











Oh yar... i lose 2 kg.
And yar.. i dreamt that Abah gave Mak and Mak gave me 200 dolars for me to buy new Hp.. Hah! A bit out of league. I know that will never happen...

I bought TruDetox just now and I am going to try it tomorrow. It is so expensive according to my mama. Since it only has 6 sachets and it cost 20 bucks. Well, I did send en enquiry to the company before; after I saw an entry written by Kenny. So it is safe and if Kenny manages to lose 5 kilos after drinking that, I think I want to give it a try. It will be hard because you are not suppose to eat anything except fruits when you are on this diet. I will give it a shot. Yup… I will…

My backache is so painful. My breast is so hurtful. My menses is coming soon. Ouch!!… Mood swing will be in. I think this will be the good time to Detox since I do not feel like eating when I am having my menses. Well, OK lah, I want to get back to my Ayat-Ayat Cinta’s novel. Adious…

What makes a Muslimah? Must she cover herself from head to toes?

I hate it when people said this. “You are wearing scarf, so you cannot do this. What will people say and think? If you are not wearing scarf, then it might be acceptable”. Seriously, it pisses me off when I hear that phrase. Why does people always use scarf as an excuse? From what I know, those women that do not wear one are coming from the same religion as those who wears. It means, what those who wear cannot do, it goes the same to those who never wear. Where on earth got such a thing or quote in Al-Quran that said, those who never wear scarf can do more things than those who wear?? No matter how we dress, once we said we are Muslim, we have to abide by the Al-Quran. We have the same prophet , we learn from the same Quran and we believe that there is no other god except Allah. So where does this issues of scarf comes from?? And who on earth starts this grouping? A sin will always be a sin no matter who do it…

WOW...my dad bought a new Samsung Hp.. And I am so jealous. I saw this Sony Ericsson's phone purple color and I fall in love with it. Can please someone buy for me??

I had this weird dream. Don't laugh at it k. It is sweet but at the same time sad and disaster for me ok. In my dream: I was fighting with my sister and Mum and the next day when I was supposed to go to my Mummy's house, I met with an accident. Prior to that, I did told myself and wrote in my blog that I want to go away forever. (even in dream, my mind still at blogging). I was badly hurt and unconscious. Before I fainted, I managed to catch a glimpse of the guy that help me. Yup. It is none other than one and only Adi Rahman. K this may sound crazy and stupid, but i did dream of him helping me getting to a Hospital. In the hospital, i was declared vegetable. Into a Coma... The strange thing was that, my whole family including Adi Rahman were crying. (the one that hit me was not Adi Rahman. It is a Chinese guy who paid for all my bills) And then, i wake up finding myself crying. My pillow was wet. Phew... scary and weird. Me in a coma??? Hmm.. hopefully this is just a dream.......

“Will you leave everything behind just to be with your lover?” I ask myself that question and I am not sure. If last time, you asked me that question, I will say yes on the spot but now, I am in doubt.

Right now, I am not sure of my own feeling. One moment I have butterflies in my stomach and another moment my feeling is neutral. It is like my feeling is playing trick on me. But then, again, after whatever happened to me, my feeling is always not stable. One moment, I will be crying and one moment I will be laughing and one moment I will have this bad headache. Been having an on and off attack in my head now. It is so painful and it is so hurtful and not forgetting scary as well. Right now, all I want is to learn to sleep early. By most, 1am will be light off, laptop off and television off. I want to have a sweet night sleep today onwards. That is my mission.

Malay comedy movie, CUCI makes my heart laugh. Add on with the actors and actress that I love like Awie, Hans Isaac, AC Mizal, Afdlin Shauki , Umie Aida and Erra Fazira. Wait; does anyone know what does AC stands for in AC Mizal? He-He. In that movie, I am not sure why but Afdlin Shauki character sort of remind me of Wan. I cannot explain why la but when I watched it for the first time that is how I feel. So yar…

Three loves Hindi movies that make me cry. Hum Tum whereby it does show that to fall in love, sometimes; it takes more than just a first sight. And when it is already fate for both of you, you will still be together no matter how long you get separated. Cool huh!!! Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon, whereby a sacrifices of friend to make another friend happy. A very romantic triangle love story. Showing that nothing beats true love no matter who comes in the picture. Jodhaa Akbar shows that no matter how different you are with the partner (not matter whether different in religion or character), when there is love, it will overcome everything and unite two souls into one. And romantic as well but in different ways.

My headache is back. It is climbing up my head again. Ouch…

Another masterpieces. Original images taken from http://XIntrauterineDeviceX.deviantart.com/art/blue-butterfly-88553049 and http://XIntrauterineDeviceX.deviantart.com/art/butterfly-II-87762369 and both are being edited by ME using photoshop CS2. I really love the water-effect that I created on these two. Cool right?


To Dilah: Be strong k sis...

"Wa Laqad karramna banii Adam".

Jodha Akbar. Controversy over religion issues and over the factual of History. Controversy of Akbar marrying a Hindu, Jodha. Controversy on the name of Akbar's wife and which wife is Jodha. And about people that cannot accept another religions in the country or another religions ruling the country. Take a look at this website. http://pr3rna.wordpress.com/2008/02/01/jodha-akbar-a-new-controversy/

Fiza, whereby, shot Amaan Ikramullah , as his brother wished, to be with their Umi who commit suicide by drowing herself has bring a lot of controversy among the Muslimin.

And if you watched Ayat-Ayat Cinta and Jodha Akbar, both have a similarity. In jodha Akbar, a Muslim marrying a Hindu and in Ayat-Ayat Cinta, a Muslim marrying a Christian. But overall, both movies show how both religions can work together and live in harmony.
Afwan ....

Happy father's day...
I have the best father in the whole wide world. He is simply the best. No one can be like him. Oh well, maybe my brother can be like him in certain things but that is beside the point. Dad, i am lucky to be born as your daughter. Your guidance, teaching, pampering and your sense of humour have bring me to what i am today. i am lucky that i have a strong patient level like you. I am honour to say that I am Mohd Hassan's youngest and 'degil' daughter. Dad, ever since young, you showered me with love and smile and never at once, you raised your hand at me or scold me. Dad, you always give me an advice when i need it. Dad, you always cheer me up when i am down. Dad, you always be there for me and stand up for me and Dad you always know when i am not in the mood. Dad, i love the 'manja-ness' that we shared. I love the hug and the kiss from you. I love to see you smile and laugh and have fun with the family. Dad, i will never ever replace you. Not even when i am married coz seriously, no one can replace you in my heart Dad. Only you. Only you that I love.

Another masterpiece. Original image taken from http://Proseuche.deviantart.com/art/Kenna-62621250 and was being edited by ME using photoshop CS2.

Updated at 1128hr: I wish I can sleep for the whole 3 months without waking up. thus, no more stressing out.

I went to Tampines, today, to meet my friend and to collect my book. I bought this Ayat-Ayat Cinta novel way long ago from him and only today, I manage to get my hand on it. Met him at MRT itself and off we went to eat our lunch at Long John Silver. It is just a short meet up la. Coz he need to go somewhere else also. And Naz, its okay. I really don’t mind. Next time, kau lak la treat aku ehh.. And da dapat lesen nanti, drive me around. Jgn lupa. Aku tunggu nie. Ok, after lunch, I left at 3pm and took 67 to go to CCK. I am a bus type of girl. So!! I reach CCK around 4.30pm and then, I took MRT to go to Jurong East Popular Book Store to buy another novel. This time, English novel la. In fact, my first Malay novel is Ayat-Ayat Cinta. He-He. I want to get my reading hobby back. Yup. Now, at least I have 2 books to keep me occupy. I have mini library at home. And Sorry eh, no borrowing. I love my books to be in my hands always and in tip top condition. So yar, sorry.

This is what Elly wrote bout me:
Crazy, caring, kind, sweet, always there for you, likeable, loveable, huggable, kissable?? hehe.. Well,she's one of my best friends so what I can say for sure is that she's a great person with a big heart and big hearty laughter too! Awww!! So cweet of you... Lap you many2.

Now, I know what to do. I don’t care how people sees me after that. I had enough of doing my best to please others. Now, I will do everything for myself. Only me. Of course for my family also la. Pardon me if you find that I have change. Coz I think change is good for me. So yar… be it…

I am falling sick. Since that headache attack on Thursday, I have not been feeling well. And today, my throat is dry and pain. I think you all know what will happen next. Haiz. I hate it when I am sick. I think today I will try to sleep early. Confirm tak lei nye.. Hahaha.

I want to sell my PSP la and buy PSP slim. Naz said, at Eastpoint, they take 200 bucks for the old one. Once I have the money, I will sell it and buy the slim one as well. Yippie… Cannot wait to get my hand on it.

Another masterpiece. Original Image taken from http://Proseuche.deviantart.com/art/Most-Beautiful-88352665 and being edited by ME using Photoshop CS2.

Let me tell you a little secret of me….
Every night, I will be watching this drama online. Yup. It has to be online coz believe it or not, I have searched for that whole series at shop, I just could not find any that have English subtitles. And finally, after much searching, I found it at Veoh Tv. I really love Veoh Tv. It keeps my toes moving all night. What show? It is none other than Huan Zhu Ge Ge 1. Now they only have HZGG1. And they will upload HZGG2 as well once HZGG1 is finish. I still remembered, watching that show with my sister. For a whole hour, our butt were like glue to the floor. (Ya floor coz in my house, there is no sofa). And if we have to miss any episodes, we will record it and watch it at night or the next day. Yes, those crazy time. Both HZGG1 and HZGG2 are my favorite. HZGG3 onwards, I haven watch any coz they change the characters and I don’t like it. The new characters do not have the power like the original one. Oh well… There; my little secret. .

Something surprised me yesterday. Oh well, it may be after the cooling down moment. Ha-Ha. I am not going to fall for that actually. Haiz. And this time, I just feel, I want to be alone for a while. Oh Oh, I am still considering whether I should go to Singapore Discovery Center or not this coming Saturday. My heart feels so heavy thinking about it.

And

Can I throw my laptop from the 4th floor? Or maybe 12th? It is seriously getting on my nerve. I think I will use my acer back la. Better choice I think.. But then Acer so slow.. So not a wise choice. ARGH!. Buy new one?? Lol.

Oh, Today is the BIG day. Wonder how it goes… hopefully, smoothly….

Lets see… I have the Cousins’ date on the 14th (which I am still pondering to go or not) and IBM’s date on the 21st (which I still not sure if I am going) and besties’ date on 16th (which again, I am not sure). So many dates seh. He-He.

Another masterpiece. Original image from http://EbruSidar.deviantart.com/art/crazy-little-black-88427968 . Edited by ME using Photoshop CS2 and the outcome is this.

I have give it a deep thought about it and I should start it now. I want to. This time no more fooling around. This Monday will be something new for me. I really hope that I can go far from it. I have to do it again. So I will start part 1 tomorrow. Part 2 this Monday. As for now, all I need is an opportunity. I will work hard for it. I will. No more saying later or wait for the correct moment coz the more I do that, the more it will never happened.

I want to stop myself worrying about non-important issues as well. No point brooding over it. No point brooding over the past. I need support at this moment of time. I really need all of you actually.

I looked at myself at the toilet’s mirror and I know I need to do something about myself. It sucks to be me now. I hate myself actually. But I want to work it out so that I will love myself more. I have to do it. I am desperate for a change now. I willing to do anything for it. No harm trying all means just to love me.

If you sleepover at my place or something sort of that, you will realized that both my mum and me will blast our different songs together. Yes, she will either blast songs from her HP or from the Radio Warna in her room or the kitchen while I will blast my songs from my room. You will hear remix from all sorts of songs from my house. HeHe. No wonder I cannot hear when Mak called me. Ha-Ha.

Yesterday disaster. Around 11pm, I already had a mild headache attack. It gets worst when the clock strike 1am. Being the stupid and wanted to pretend to be strong me, I refused to take any medication. I hold on to the pain. Suffering on my own. Closing my eyes to fall asleep did not help at all coz my eyes were closing but my mind was not sleeping. The pain became worst when the clock hit 4am and yet, I still holding on to it. At 5am, I switched off my laptop and tried to forget the worst pain ever but it failed. At 6am, I did my morning prayer and still contemplating whether to eat panadol or not. At 8am, I cannot take it anymore. The pain was so unbearable. At that time, with tears on my eyes, I knew I need help. So at 8.15am, after taking 2 panadols, I lie down and all I knew I woke up at 1pm with no pain at all.

I did this just now. The picture was taken from http://OkTaYBiNGoL.deviantart.com/art/Gumus-Yagmuru-BW-88348096 and I edit it using Photoshop CS2 and the outcome is this.

Stop behaving like a small kid. Of all people, you? Seriously, what does jokes means to you? If you cannot even take jokes then might as well tell that straight to my face. The fact that, it is your attitude but you are too blind to see it when it comes to you. How pathetic can it be? A grown up adult behaving like a rebellious children. It is so hilarious. I am laughing out loud. Hahahahahahaha.

I don’t understand guys at times. K wait, most of the times. They behave as if they are the only right and sane persons on earth. And when come to compare them with us, girls, they always want to win and always want to be correct even when they are not. Ya, EGO. So? Whatever!! Just because they have big EGO, that does not mean they DON’T NEED to take the blame for their mistakes. ARGH!! Fine…

Once again, the skin has been changed. It took me 2 days to get this skin ok and seriously, I am only 60 percent satisfied with the skin. And that means, I will change it sooner once I find a new one. It is just that, my taste is different this time. Thx to wordpress, now, I prefer something formal and clean and simple. Just like wordpress template and to find that for blogger is a bit difficult. Not a bit la.. Totally difficult. But nevertheless, this will do for now. I am not sure why I prefer wordpress now. Should I close blogger and blog there permanently? Nah.. I scared I might change my mind again. That is why I have 2 blogs. One in blogger and One in wordpress. Pretty impressive I must said. Ha-ha.

I just found out that everything is stopping ever since that last phone call. K, not just found out.. Actually I found out 3 days back. I am wondering why? Why that kind of attitude? It does not show me that you are the boss. In fact, I find your action ridiculous. I did not find it amusing or scared or worried that something must have hurt you. I find it pretty lame actually. Oh well, hopefully you get out from your shell soon. The world is far to pretty for you to remain in shell. Even tortoise go out from its shell at times..

My malay blog is ready - view it... Under Princess Nurhuda - Puisi Kehidupan Aku.

Strange.. When sometime you expect something to happen, it will never come.. And when you least expected it, it will come to your doorstep. And so what? Maybe I should not hope on it too much. It always come to a disenchantment in the end. Hoping a little should be the way maybe.

This come from my heart.. Hear it clearly..
I do not understand the meaning of taciturn actually. The silent had left me with nothing but confusion and it is so bad that it crack my head actually. I mean why? You should cogitate on yourself and ask yourself on why the situation is such. It is not easy talking to you. It is so difficult to even understand you in the first place. And when night falls, all went silent and it left me thinking what are we doing actually? Nothing comes from it. It is just part of another imagination that I hopes will come true but there is a truth here. Perplexity is the truth. I want to find the answer as quickly as possible. I want to know the reason behind your action. I want to know everything so I can take action regarding it, based on what I know. But what I know now is nothing. I know zilch. Yes, nothing. And I cannot even figure it out. All of sudden I felt so dense to not being able to solve this case.

Tomorrow will be something unexpected.. It will be wacky but I have to. The sooner it ends the better it will be. Furthermore, it is only a letter.. And not going to stay for long. Take it and home sweet home… I always thought that I will never experience the feeling again but I was wrong. Tomorrow, I have to feel it one more time… I have to brace myself.. After all, it is over…

As mentioned way earlier, I think I will go there on Thursday. And then Monday I can start on it and seeing the magic takes place. Oh yar, I haven even pay back my fasting.. I think I start on this coming Monday. If I never start now, Abah will nag even further.. Abah is so cute. He always said this “ Dik, malaikat maut kirim salam”. hehehe..

Is it too much to ask. I feel it is. Coz I am asking the impossible. I mean I never see any ways that can make it possible for me to get that wish. Talking about that, I still do believe in miracle. Miracle is not just a dream. It can happens. If the almighty wants it to happen, then it will. I still believe in God and his super power.

I am going to try one more time.. Trying and hopefully this time I get it. And once I get it, it might means getting a step closer to my dreams.. Do pray the best for me ok.. Amin..

Updated: I have a blog in Malay.. Oh Yeah..

Do you believe in miracle?
A marvel will just pop up and wala, the next moment you realize that your wish really comes true and you will be on cloud 9 smiling and grinning from one ear to another.

I do… I believe in miracle…

And yes, at times I forget what my wish is but when it does happened, I am actually jumping up and down… the feeling of getting what you want is astounded. It is like you are at the top of the world.. But wishes do not always come true right? And it does not always come on the spot… to wish is so easy but to wait is a pain in the ass… forbearing plays a big role..

Away from the topic for a while.. I want to vent out my antagonism at this stupid pathetic and vexing laptop of mine.. WTH lappie? It is as if you are alive and having a mind of your own. You move the mouse yourself, you highlight the words yourself and you even delete all my words by yourself.. So anyone what to make any horror laptop or horror computer? You can use my laptop.. It is definitely sinister.. Annoying and getting on my nerve la…

Lets move far away from miracle k.. lets talk about compunction… I regret a handful of numbers in my past life… I wish I can return to the past and undo everything but yet again, if all can do that, then the time machine will explode and we all might just be stuck in the past right?? Am sure so many of you want to change your past.. Or maybe I am the only one.. Whatever… one thing that I am going to mention is that I regret piercing my ears actually… sucks… but this regret can be dissolve.. All I need is to close the holes but then again am sure my ears will never be the same as before..

Welcome back… Miracle is what I need now.. Yes, NOW. Urgently and desperately.. If only my wishes can come true at this very moment. I will be the most happiest girl on earth.. K too embellish but who cares? Whatever…

Oh yar, forgetting about the issues of heart. I find it is weird on everything that happen to me with this guy. Not going to mention his name here k. I find it hard to figure out who is he actually. It is like the more I know him, the lesser I know about him. Am not sure his motive or why he is behaving that way towards me but all I know is that I am confused. It is getting worst actually and there is at times, where I don’t even understand him at all. It is weird.. Completely weird and am sure it will get complicated soon.. I can feel my hair coming loose..

Move on to Malay singer.. I think Singapore did produce great Malay singers but it is just that they will never go far if they maintain in Singapore and that is why all move to Malaysia. Kind of sad but at the same time we should be happy coz they represent Singapore while it last. Yar, while it last coz if they stay too long in Malaysia, then sooner or later, they will represent Malaysia…

Just a thought. I want to write my blog in Malay but then again, once I start, I find myself continue it in English. It is not that my English is good la. Am sure my bad Malay is equal to my bad English but it is just that, it is easy to write in English la. I will try again soon.

I am so angry right now…
You think I don’t care?
You think I am not aware?
You are wrong…
I am much aware of everything around me
Much more…
Something that is about myself…

I am trying…
I need support…
Instead of supporting…
You give me words…
I don’t need them
Coz they are so discouraging…

It is always me…
On the wrong side..
Everything I do;
Everything I said;
Everything I make;
Everything I go;
It is always me…
Being the black sheep..
And I am not sure why…
I still need the answer
To why I am here…

It is not fair… I am trying but no one notice.. I am always in stress but no one even sees it… I am crying but no one hears it… I am feeling so lonely but no one cares… I am left alone and I am always alone… I have full of questions and I got no answers but reprimanded.. And that is the worst of all… asking for help but get humiliating in return… I had enough of those and that is why, now, I keep it to myself…

finally, today we went out... missing our crazyness together seh... well it turns out to be something unplanned, planned to be just crazy.. (i myself tk faham). Anyway, we went to Cineleisure to have our dinner and watch Narnia... (deq, best k the movie.. it is not for kids la.. bluek!!)... Oh yar, we went to Ramen Ten to have our dinner... So here some cam-whoring...

This may sound surprising but i am addicted to these 2 songs - Ini satu kisah by Aliff and Dambaan by Didicazli... And now I am always listening to this 5 songs over and over again... oh yar, the other 3 by Taufik - Berserah and Imran - Sudah tu Sudah and Exists - Salju di Danau Rindu. And oh.. All the songs above are in my playlist in this blog.. have fun listening to them...

Watch your feelings
They become your thoughts
Watch your thoughts
They become your words
Watch your words
They become your actions
Watch your actions
They become your habits
Watch your habits
They form your character

Eyes are not meant for tears and heart is not meant for fear,
Never get upset but always cheer,
Bcoz you are the one who can make people smile for years.

Stealing the blue from the splashing seas,
A tinge of green from the youthful trees,
A bit of orange from the sunset hues,
With crystal white from the morning dews,
I have framed a bright and colorful wish
Just for you…

i always had this weird dreams la.. and yesterday was no exceptional... i dreamt that i was in Malaysia with my cousin Iza standing in front of one small shop, sipping thru some form of drink and staring and smiling at this one actor with his cute little son. And Iza went up to him to say hi, take pictures with him and play with his Son and eventually he is interested in her.. hahaha....

next dreams i was under the void deck with Kanz, Moon and Di... No, No.. we were at the shopping mall and I was wearing Pink and we met some hot guys there... As usual we always the crazy one la... And then we meet again the next day and this time, the 3 of you are wearing Pink except me, wearing black... And Kanz was piss off coz Di and Moon wear Pink.. And off we went to I don't know where coz i was awake after that... i think being awake by Kanz snapping at both of them... coz of Pink?? hahaha...

Told you right... weird....

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag some people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.Continue this game by sending it to other people.
* * * * *
(I have disable right click and if you want to copy and paste, select all and click CTRL+C)

been tagged by Tazz... here it goes...

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Shocked... i will ask why and then slap him.. happened before.. hahaha

#2 If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
To be Mrs *** ******. hahahaha

#3 What will your dream wedding be like?
Bollywood style?? hahaha... i never even dream about how my wedding will be like.. All i know it will takes place at a Club...

#4 Are you hungry?
Yes, yes, yes... totally hungry... and i am on diet... sucks la...

#5 What’s your ideal lover like?
I prefer someone sincere and understanding but now, i myself not sure... lost faith seh.. haha.. now i only go gugu gaga over *** ******.

#6 Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I don't mind being loved by someone but then again, it will be nice if i can have both...

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
I don't mind wait for forever... for him... if he is really the one...

#8 If the person you secretly like (if there isn't one, just imagine) is already attached, what would you do?
Of course I will feel sad la... but i will hide it... if he is happy, then i should be happy right??

#9 Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yup.... not going to talk about it....

#10 Is there anything that has made you happy these days?
Yup.. Looking at his picture.....

#11 How do you see yourself in ten years time?
Hopefully married and be successful in my career... i don't really know la...

#12 Who are currently the most important people to you?
My Family and My Friends...

#13 What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Seriously, i don't know her much... but from her blog, i must said, she is one crazy gerl.. loves to have fun and nice to hang out with... i know with that kind of girl, i know i can be myself coz i am equally crazy as well... nice girl and cute as well... hahaha...

#14 Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Married but poor. As long i am with him, i don't mind...

#15 What’s the first thing you do every morning?
On my laptop la... and then check my Hp....

#16 Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes.... if he is the one....

#17 If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Pick both can?? Scandal la... hahaha.... I will pick the one that loves me... and suitable for me...

#18 Would you rather be friend with a geek who is a really nice guy or a super hawt dude but really isnt that nice to you(treats you badly as a friend, etc)?
Both... A Geek... At least he is nice... and A super hawt dude... hello.. he is hot... use him la.. a kiss and a hug will do... hahaha....

#19 What are your friends usually like?
CRAZY.... Totally CRAZY... We will be laughing non stop.... totally CRAZY.. totally LOUD... totally full of CRAPS... best bunch of friends that i have... love all of you...

#20 What type of friends do you dislike?
Someone that will pretend to be your friend... Someone that I will not feel comfortable with... Someone that i cannot be myself when they are ard... I hate those type of friends that think they are the best in the world... And those who don't care about holding on to the old friendship once getting the new one... hypocrite friends... backstabber friends...

Today is the day we have been waiting for 2 weeks... finally another besties meet the session.. since the 3 of us loves movie so much, this time we decided to go for movie and dinner.. just like the good old days... So as usual, elly and me will choose the movie while Iza will just sit down, munch and watch... haha... (nasib Iza tk baca... kalau tk mampos aku)... So while deciding and also based on the timing and the place, we decided to watch Sex and the City at 6.50pm at Jurong Point... We thought the movie will finish ard 1 hr plus later and then we can go for dinner like usual... but to our surprise.. it ends 2 and a half hours later... (da mcm cerita hindustan seh).. luckily it is not boring la the movie... so no dinner lor.... hmm... love every part of it... and since we have been friends for 11 years now, all 3 of us were like eh that us, eh that you, eh that me... hahaha.... and all the past memories of us flowing back... and i think even when we are 50 like them, we are still going to be the crazy dynamix... hahaha...

Oh yar, before the movie, Di msg me.. You know Di, you are just in time... haha... coz actually I am wondering if the movie is good or not and your msg hit the spot.. upon reading it, my mind cannot wait for the movie.. And ya la Di, they are like Us... hahahaa...... And i wonder which one is which one actually but their craziness, exactly like us when we meet... laughter from all over the room and corner... hahaha... and the high in sex??? hahahahaa.... they shld rate it R21 man.. hahahaha.....

It is so wonderful to have such friends that i can be myself and be crazy with.... i am so lucky to be surrounded by you all....

it is so impossible and yet i keep on hoping on it.. it is so impossible and yet i keep on yearning on it.. i am so crazy to even think about it in a first place.. i am so crazy that i am crazy right now.. thinking about it day and night and always imagine things that i should not be imagine it in the first place... haiz.. it is so difficult to just forget it and deep down, i am hoping for a small ray of light to pass through.. haiz... right now, all are so messy and the knot in my heart is still a dead knot...

when the mountains fail to peak
when the rivers stop flowing,
when time stops and day and night are so different,
when all things on heaven and earth disappear
i will still not be able to part with you
your gentleness is my life's greatest anticipation

when the sun ceases to rise
when the earth stops its rotation
when the four seasons no longer change,
when all the nature has withered away
i will still not be able to part with you
your smile is my life's greatest attachment

let us live this life together, live it freely and unrestrained
surge forward, basking in the bustling of the world
treat wine as song, singing out our heart's delight
live grandly and spectacularly, seizing hold of our youth

how strange is this journey
if you just think...
each one of us is so unaware...
or where he is destined to go...
of what the future holds for each of us...

each of us has our own future and i belief that i have mine as well... in just a mere matter of time, i will find out what my future will be... at times, i make my own future and thinking how great it will be if what ever future story i make does come true but then, again, i realized that it is all in god's hand to make it into reality.. i can only work it out but then this one dream of mine, i guess i just have to let it slip by soon coz there is no way that i can work for it.. i myself not sure also on what i should be doing... i mean it seems so impossible at all... but it will be nice if this wish come true.. it will definitely be nice and good... this dream, unless, it comes true, no one will know about it.. my only secret... and i know of one person who will definitely ask me.. haha... k deq, i am referring to u.. hahaha... nanti, one day, i will tell you k when the time is right... hehehehe...

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Wonder why people fall in love
wonder why people are ready to die for someone
wonder why,
why, why, why

just think about it, there is only grief in love
as for love's cruelty, it's past counting
when in love, your head must remain bowed
even when in pain, you have to smile
why fill your own life with poison?

without love what's left in life
without love, a person is lonely
love brings colour into your life
love brings beauty into your life

people fall in love but hide it
wonder why,
why, why, why

love is just needless trouble

love is beautiful in every aspect

we are all better off far away from love

love's every form is the assured truth

don't blame anyone even if loving makes your heart shatter
because the encounter was too beautiful
even if i have no more tears, am hurt to the depths,
and my heart has reduced into ashes, none of these matter
i will break out of my chrysalis, and turn into a butterfly.
yearning to fly with you
my greatest fear is that you will leave and not return
although is's comforting that you loved me, given me, and thought of me
i'm flying towards you
the rain cushions me, surrounding me like your embrace
i'm flying towards you
regardless how far, i will not tire
even though the journey has been fraught with pain and tears
i'm chasing you
the wind blows gently
as long as you do not blame me, i will have no regrets
love is so beautiful that my heart is intoxicated with being loved

Deq, remember DIA ... hehe.. aku rasa kan.. aku mcm da tak ada feeling lagi seh kat dia.. hahahahaha... ntah arr.. tak tau kenapa... but it is true la.. makin lama, the feeling, makin kurang... and den one day, poof.. gone.. hahaha... and.. online la cik kak... da Wednesday, tk update2 pun kau nye Malacca... bingit sak.. haha.. Abeh bila nak tgk movie nie??

I just love to dream. Dreams about anything that can make me smile and when I dream, I do not need to worry whether it is lucid or not. Furthermore it is just a dream. And the best, you can dream anytime and anywhere. I love to dream when I am alone or in a transportation…dreaming about something or even someone that I know even if it is unfeasible for my dreams to be reality but still I just dream. It puts a smile on my face and sometimes laughter too. I dream in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening and at night as well. At times, I admit, I wish my dreams will come true and I will leave happily in knowing that I am living in my dreams and that too in the real world. But well, just a pinch, wakes me up from those dreams and come face to face with the real world. A real world that is full of ups and downs and full of obstacles and impediment but real world is real world and dreams are dreams. Nothing can joint them together unless a miracle occurs. Despite that, no one stops dreaming because deep down in our heart, we are still hoping that our dreams will be true.

Once you dreams,
You will be hook,
Never will you hate dreams,
Coz dreams is not reality,
And dreams are grand…

Choosing your own dreams,
That is the best part..
Discriminate between real and dreams,
Within dreams, you decree your path,
Within reality, you work your path…

When you said you don’t deem in dreams,
Your life has run out of colors,
Coz of dreams, rainbow will be in your life
Making you smile…
Giving you the valor..
To catch those rainbows…
That materialize within your heart…

When dreams become nightmare..
Do not be ordeal..
Continue to dream the way out…
And you will find another door..
Leading to another world..
That is full of live and hopes..
And you realized that..
You are dreaming once again…
And that is so beautifully touching expressively feeling
That one can ever feel..

First day
We met at Clementi Kopitiam at 6.30 am and we only make our move at 8am plus... So off we headed to KL... whoopie.... In the bus, we had fun singing, laughing and watching comedy..... and we conquered the whole of the back row in the bus... 5 of us... haha... and me and za seat number was.. hehe..All was fun, happy and the best journey until the air-con had to spoil... that is sucks big time coz we had to share bus and we had to stand for the whole 2 hours journey... awwwww leg, back, butt were so painful... and not forgetting tiring and sleepy as well... but then abg is and kak ju also stand so ok la.. haha... Once we reached Nilai resting place, we changed to another bus (still have to share la) but we sat at the very back seats.. in which we had to take out our shoes and sit with our leg folded... and squeeze our way in... hahaha.... and so... we reached our hotel...(oh yar.. did i tell u, our door was jam and full of small cockroaches and ants. - -pathetic)... We bathed and off we went for dinner and see some concert which was mainly for mother... and this is what we , had for dinner.. and the rest of the events on that night were ... .. the show ended at 11pm (late la) but we had a great time laughing out loud till our stomach crack... Yup... we cannot stop laughing.. my jaw was so painful... and off we went back to our hotel room... After changing to our pyjamas.. we took snapshots of the view from our window.... come see... and pictures of us lying down before we went to lalaland... and that conclude my first day in KL ........

Second day
We wake up at 7am, bath (not enuff time to try the bath tub also) and off we went for breakfast.. After breakfast we make our move to more shopping... Petaling Jaya and Times Square.. I bought one top and one belt for my sister only.. We were super sleepy and tired from all the shopping that we never even go down for the chocolate factory and the kerepek stall.. nvm.. abg bought 300 ringgit worth of chocolates... yummy... hehe.... for lunch, we had Quarter Pounder at MacDonald.... hehe....... the best was when, we took pictures with Cik Hussein, Abg Adi and kak Ju.. hahaha...... And that the end of my trip.. Reaching home at 10pm sharp.. tiring but fun...

Deq, sry arr deq... aku seriously tak brani seh... takpa la deq... let it be la.. at least aku kawan je ngan dia... pape nie rahsia kita bertiga ehh... kau, aku ngan faizah.... kau jgn terlepas ckp ke terlepas type ehh... jgn mengada2.. haha... aku jumpa kau monday nanti k... mintak2 monday jadi arr....

I am on cloud nine because of you...
if only you know that you are the one in my heart...
what can i do to make you notice me?
i am going to miss you la...
it is just so funny on how it turns out to be but
i am glad that at least i manage to feel this way...
you give back the colors in my life...
if only you know that i have feelings for you...

Well peeps... i will be in KL tomorrow and will be back on Sunday...

Where do I start? Everything is still new and blur to me… it happens so fast .. Any way, I never though that I will feel this way…

Ok, currently, am not sure what strike in my mind but the questions just pop up at that time and at night as well.. That should be the incentive since I was asleep before…

How should I put it?
Lets begin….
Face it, everyone is not seamless in this world… and everyone makes mistakes and no one knows the future and what will happened next.. And whether the appraisal that you make now will be for the better or it will make you live with scruple, no one knows.... And sometimes, or should I said, most of the time… we used our heart, our emotion to make the decisions and rarely we think perspicaciously first before deciding on something.. That is normal.. No need to feel bad and guilty… even I do that….

What happened if you find someone in your life and that someone changes you for good… for the better… for your own freedom and free life… you feel good.. You feel poised after it but humans will always be humans and emotions especially from the heart is always NOT strong.. So what happen if out of the blue, your old flame or new flame pops up in front of you and started to get your attention back? Will you leave the current one(the one that go thru thick and thin with you) for the old flame that rejects you when you are just a nobody?

What happened when you find out your spouse is not able to give you legatee…?? Is re-marry the only solution? What is your purpose of getting married?? Just for heir??

Love at first sight?? Or is it lust?? What attract you to the opposites sex? What you look for in them? And is that the way to find the suitable one? What if they have everything but not that one x-factor that you are looking for, will you consider them?

This one, I know girls do not mind at all but most guys do… Will you mind if your wife has higher salary, higher rank, higher status and higher education than you?? Will you feel small until you feel so wobbly??

Hmmm… as for now, that is what I can remember… asking him all those questions one night and hearing his answers to all of them.. Must said pretty notable…

Oh well, currently, these are my favorite music videos… if you want to view it, kindly pause the main songs first before playing the video.. If not, music clash la.. Not nice .. Trust me.. Hahaha…

Ab To Forever

Online Videos by Veoh.com


Aiyayyo

Online Videos by Veoh.com

i want to change my skin, but it seems that nothing catches my eyes....
i want to make my own skin, but it seems that i am plain TOO lazy to do that...
i have been watching too many bollywood that my eyes are swollen from crying...
i want to watch Kal Ho Naa Ho back... i want to pour out my feeling...
hahahaha....

nowadays i got nothing to update.. lives has been mono now... the same old routine every day...
kind of sick and tired of it... i want something new.. i want more adventures in my life..

waiting patiently for every thing to fall back to where it should be....
only time will tells when it is going to be a perfect day... and this time, make it forever and ever..

it will never happen the way i wan it to... it is time for me just to give up... give my crush up and just maintain with the close bonding of friendship that we already shared...

i am afraid of getting hurt and i am not going to hope on something that will make me get hurt in return.. it is all different now... i am no longer the person i knew back than... i wish i have the courage but i realized that i am so coward...

i really appreciate the friendship we share now and i am not going to give up on that friendship coz of heart issues...

that someone is better left without knowing the truth...
and i will be hiding the truth from that someone as long as i can...
indeed the feeling for you has started to grow
but i think i should end it now before it grows into a flower....

Have this slight feeling towards this someone and yet again i am confused over that feeling... if only that someone can entangle this knot that i have in my heart. I am not even sure whether you know about this knot....

falling in love... first impression always count.. and not always the first time you meet, you fell in love.. sometimes it takes more time to realize that you actually love that person... from a stranger to a friend to a close friend and if fate, to a spouse... the journey is longer than you think but to some, those who are lucky, they will get it at first sight... how long the journey takes for you, bear in mind, the one is already there just for you...

jodoh sudah ditentukan oleh Allah... dengan sapa kita dijodohkan itu semua takdir... tidak semestinye cinta dtg dulu... kadang2, hanya dengan ikatan perkahwinan, cinta terjalin... tapi hakikatnye adalah, kita manusia tidak pernah percaya dengan marriage first, love later... semua insan inginkan merasa alam pencintaan sebelum mengalami alam perkahwinan...

With who we married and with who we love? it takes time for one to know the one... sometimes even when he/she is right in front of you, you will never notice coz you are too busy searching for someone that is far... and when it is already time to hit the reality, you realized that you have lost the person that loves you dearly...

if you are meant for each other, you will be with each other... that is.....

i stood from far...
seeing you with her
my heart ache..
but i still love you....

Ayat- Ayat Cinta....
i feel it....
i cry watching it...
it is not easy to be someone like her...
it is not easy to see someone you love hug and kiss another girl...
Ayat-Ayat Cinta....
contains deep meaning in it...
catch the meaning... and you will feel it....

And with tears, i end this entry.....

so far.. everyone is into this love dilemma seh... being in love is already so complicated, heart wrenching and so the difficult... just imagine being in a relationship?? double of what you feel when you are in love... hahahaha.....

you cannot force love... just go with the flow... if he/she is the one, you will win his/her heart one day.. it takes time for love to blossom although some fell in love at first sight but it is not the same for all people la.... take it easy and just enjoy the crush/love you feel for that person... and if your love does not reciprocate the way you want, just smile and told yourself that at least you try and at least you fall in love.... there are better girl/guy out there for you and fate plays a part.... who you going to be with is all written... it is just a matter of time you meet the one.. be patient.. patience is a virtue mah...

Do you know ...............
It is unclear how much a concurrent increase in fishing for great white sharks had to do with the decline of great white shark population from the 1970s to the present. No accurate numbers on population are available, but populations have clearly declined to a point at which the great white shark is now considered endangered. Reaching lengths of more than 6 m (20 ft) and weighing up to 2,250 kg (5,000 lb), the great white shark is the world's largest known predatory fish. It is the only surviving species of its genus,Carcharodon. The Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (C.I.T.E.S.) has put the great white shark on its 'Appendix II' list of endangered species. The shark is targeted by fishermen for its jaws, teeth, and fins, and as a game fish.
[reference from wikipedia]

ok... i have this bad migraine since Monday... Tuesday it is getting worst.. Wednesday more worst and Today, even more worst... hahahaha... my back is aching as well.. alamak... dizzy all over seh... tired and so restless la... so not in the mood... i am not sure if it is because of menses or not la.. but i haven get mine this month.. maybe soon... even my b**bs are painful la.. hehe... argh.. so RESTLESS... have not eaten and yet i don't feel hungry...

i cannot wait for the nest besties movie outing... yes arr.. going to watch What happen in Vegas?.. hehe... been waiting for that show seh... and i want to watch Ayat2 Cinta also.. Going to buy the book as well.. All this coz of Nazly la.. hahahaha.... Eh Naz, mana la nk dpt buku tu??

it is not easy as you think lor... it can be difficult... easy said than done.. what about the consequences after making that first move?? all can be destroy lor... everything that was build can just be smash just because of telling the truth esp when it comes to a matter of heart... complicated lor... You know... i did before... i did make the first move... but my situation is different lor.. now the situation is totally unknown... and it is danger as well... hahahahaa.....

sometimes you just know it when the friendship is going apart... no matter how many years you know that person, it can just change... it is no longer the same... no initiative on your part either... i can just feel it... it is not the same anymore... those years of friendship just go to waste bin sia... i don't care if you read this feel angry or terasa eh... coz it is the truth la..... reflect back on what you did....

actually someone asked me to blog about something.. so here is for you.. my dear wan...
how to start seh.... am already like a sotong here... lets see...

Once upon a time, there was this girl named S and this guy named A.. S was in love with A but sadly to say, the love 'hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan'. One day S tried her luck in trying to woe A by bringing him Nasi Ayam bungkus to A... S was again left with agony when A kicked the Nasi Ayam away and left S to pick all the rice up.... S was in devastated mood and decided to calm herself at Macritchie Reservoir.. There she goes.. Alone and in tears siting along the reservoir... After few hours of trying to forget A, S failed and decided to kill herself by jumping into the reservoir but magic was on her side.. she was turned into a fish - ikan tongkol..

A wanted badly to eat fish so while fishing, A manage to caught S and bring her back and cook Asam Pedas... While eating, A realized that the fish was actually S. (how A realised it is S is a secret-u want to know check at Wikipedia...) A was feeling guilty and sad and decided to bury the bones.. After burying, again magic was on her side... she was turned into a big tree with swing on it.. With that, A always swing in the swing and sang .. 'Laju, Laju, buai ku laju........'' and with the magic she had on her, she said 'kau tu berat mana lei laju'...

A was always on the swing and it seems the S magic has got into him... and he was turned to Ameng... He was in foul mood and decided to go to Macritchie reservoir - the place S commit suicide and kill himself also... With the magic he get from S, he was turned into turtle... While the turtle was swinging... he suddenly went to the shore to lay egg... and encounter Vader whom was so stupid to ask the turtle " is that fish ball?"... the turtle was furious that he cannot even give birth peacefully, told him off "nie telur bodoh"... Vader took one egg and was cursed with a serious illness and Vader has to meet face to face with the bomoh.... (check with scientist if you want to know how R can transform into many shapes and sizes and form)

The turtle, then, went to sit on the swing again and was shocked when he was being questioned by Siput babi asking him to try and cure him.. but sadly, with different species, turtle refuse... the siput babi went into the forest and met Babi hutan and again coz of different species although same babi... still refused to help the Siput.. Siput babi was so sad that when he is at the car park, he hit the lorry and died...... (???????????)

The turtle, with the magic, become teenage mutant ninja turtle and went off to fight crime with his keris... upon not successful, his shell was being destroyed.. lucky for him, with the magic, he was turned into incredible hulk..... this incredible hulk having such a big stomach decided to dropped in at Tan Tock Seng Hospital for a liposuction.... (even a hulk wants to look sexy) Coming out from the hospital, proud owner of six pack went to show off but sadly, he fell into an acid in which turn him into a human back... off he went back to the swing and sang 'laju, laju, buai ku laju'... and again the tree said, 'alhamdullilah, da kurus pun'....

The Vader come to this bomoh in which asking him to trade all his thing in exchange for the cost of treatment and even after thousands bomoh, he cannot be cured but he become Hang Tuah... Hang Tuah meeting Hang Jebat at one corner of coffee shop decided to go to Forbidden Kingdom and met Jet Li and Jackie Chan.. Vow to fight Justice and off they went on foot but half way there, they met a very brilliant and genius Mr bean who is no longer funny coz Hang Tuah has taken over his job... This A, out of nowhere met all five of them and went to this place called M.. and in there he met his true love, Angelina Jolie whose was named Fatima by him....

While in this place called M, he gave his speech for 3 days 2 night in which seems forever and even when his speech is not over, everybody in M including him has only left with bones scattered all over... it was year 3008... and archaeologists was so curious decided to investigate and he found a map under A in which he decided to call Nicholas Cage for help.. and therefore... solving mystery death take place... And even until now, it is still taking place... a story no one knows except for A and S...
to be continued....

PS: PLS DO NOT ASK ME WHAT THOSE ABOUT... COZ I, MYSELF, GOT NO EXPLANATION ON IT... LET YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD ON IT... AND HOPEFULLY, YOU WILL BE AT PEACE..... DO NOT ASK ME WHO S AND A.. THEIR NAME MUST BE HIDDEN TO AVOID ANY PAPARAZZI..

PSS: IF YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING WRITTEN ABOVE, GOOD LA.. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE, ALSO GOOD...

finally, i am being able to log in at 7am... hehe... hahahaa... phew!!!!

i cannot log in to msn seh... i hate to use the online msn... stupid error code of 800701f4... what the hell is that? i cannot even find anything on net regarding it.. since 1 am till now, i still cannot log in... anyone kind enough to tell me what should i do about it? or what is wrong with the msn? Is anyone suffer the same fate as me?

Selamat Hari Ibu, mak
May you be happy today.. and forever...
All i can give you are my promise to listen to you, to care for you and to love you eternally... Mak, this is for you .....

How much I love you I can't say:
It's more than words can hold.
You're all at once my rich, red clay,
My potter and my mold.

Yours the words that shaped my voice,
The spirit within mine.
Yours the will that shaped my choice,
My fortune, and my sign.

How lucky I was to have had you
At the core of me!
Wise and good, you always knew
Just what I could be.

And so I came to be someone
Whom I could be proud of.
For this I give my swollen sum
Of gratitude and love.

After someone wake me up with the morning call, i cannot sleep back la.. hahaha....

i took a lot of time to make my blog into pretty little princess... haha..

i think i have to put a stop to certain thing.. i am going to make a big decision in my life and i will make sure i work hard to achieve that goal.. that will be my ultimate goal now.. my big goal... there might be another blog about it.. about my progress on achieving that goal.. but i still considering it la... we see how it goes in near future...

tomorrow is mother's day... i got nothing in mind at all... hmmm... i used to write poem for them on every special occasions but now no more la.. all stop seh... no more ideas in me actually.. hmm...

i got back my facial kit today.. weee... cannot wait to try them seh... not cheap hor... i hate to use make-up powder every time so i decided to buy cream that will do the tricks as well.. hehe.... lets see how good the cream is in near future... hopefully it does its magic like what they said on the label...

Do you know.........................

The IUCN classifies nine subspecies of Ateles Geoffroyi Spider Monkey as follows: 3 are critically endangered, 3 are endangered, 2 are vulnerable and 1 is low risk, indicating a general worrisome condition that will continue to be studied and assessed. Other spider monkey subspecies have gotten onto the critical list due to losing their habitat, mature rain forests, to farming and due to being used as a food source, while at the same time having a low reproductive rate.
[reference at wikipedia]

Seriously, does vagina has teeth? Is the term toothed vagina really exist? It is said to be myth… hmm… So I checked on the net.. And this is what I find..
Interesting you know..…

I just watched this movie called ‘teeth’ and seriously speaking, I do not understand at all about the movie… It is about this girl who find out that she has a toothed vagina and every time she was sexually abused, the toothed vagina will bite the penis of the man…

[research 1] [research 2 ] [research 3]
Vagina dentata is a Latin word for toothed vagina.. And it is said that toothed vaginas is frequently told as cautionary tales as a warning of dangers of sex with strange women.. The myth begins in several cultures. The famous one will be by Erich Neumann - A fish inhabit’s the vagina of the Terrible Mother, the hero is the man who overcomes the Terrible Mother, breaks the teeth out of her vagina, and so makes her into a woman…

Another mythology from the ancient Greeks is the laminae who were lusty female demons or in another phrase “lecherous vaginas”. Greek philosopher Pliny claimed that the male snake impregnates the female by putting his head into her mouth and allowing her to eat him…

The real Vagina Dentatas is actually a rare case of dermoid cyst forming that can cause parts of the body that fold in to form another organ which in here is the vagina to grow teeth, hair, fingernails and bones.. The dermoid cyst is a non-cancerous tumor and is commonly found on the ovaries of young women, the gonads of men or around the orbits of the eyes on the skull… How it is present? On the ovaries, these may be caused by un unfertilized egg cell trying to develop into a human and if it is outside the ovaries, it may be present from birth…

K.. it is all too soon to tell... and furthermore, i am not ready yet to go into any relationship.. have to make sure the next one is really the one... but then, missing the moment of having someone special is so strong...

i am just afraid to be in any relationship right now.. afraid of getting hurt...

when i think back about that someone... the feeling is 50-50.. 50 of saying yes and 50 of saying no.. i am just scared of what ever will happen and it is just to good to be true.. hehe... and you know what.. i decided nah.. it is not going to happen... better be save then sorry later part...

it might be nothing but to me... i do feel it.. maybe it is just me.. but i am happy with how i feel.. it does show that i have started to fall in love again.. just that.. i don't know who is the guy.. hehe... the feeling that i felt just now was so ever the great... hehe... i am so happy...

i am a new person.. not the same one as you know.. no longer the weak girl.. now i am a strong girl.. i love this new me.. i love what i am.. i love who i am now.. all the past memories faded away just like that... not even any single thing that i remember about the past.. it is all behind me now.. and never will i repeat it twice and never will i want to meet the past...

that movie was a blast.. tell you man.. go and watch it.. it seems that this month, all the movies are top2 seh.. haha... i enjoyed watching all of them... yup2.. almost 90 % of the movies i watched already.. kiasu right?? haha.. but seriously, 'over her dead body' is hilarious.. have a good laugh watching it.. worth it.. to me la at least.. hehe.... the next movie i am going to watch will be 'what happens in Vegas'

it seems to me that i am enjoying myself to the fullest... not sure why but i am smiling and laughing more.. hahaha... i am so happy la... i feel like shouting seh... hehe...

now i am so into facebook and friendster back.. all of sudden, i am into perfection.. have to make sure that both my facebook and friendster profile will be perfect and looks nice and pretty.. everyday, i will spend hours just to make sure all are perfect in both my F and F... Eversince the break up of relationship between me and him, i realized that i am back into action for my F and F and not really into reading others blog like before.. Don't know why all the interests started to change.. i guess i am just being myself back.... And the best.. I am back into flirting.. hahaha... I am enjoying myself more as being single than being in relationship back than.. i just came to realized that seh.. hahaha.. oh well.....

Ancient meteorite goes unsold in NY as dung sells
Some dinosaur dung was snapped up at auction in New Yorkeven as a 4.5 billion year old meteorite which was supposed to top the sale went unsold. The two chunks of 130-million-year-old coprolite, otherwise known asfossilized dinosaur dung, fetched $960 (482 pounds) at Bonhams in New York on Wednesday, the auction house said. The Jurassic-era rocks were sold for more than double their maximum estimate, said spokeswoman Staci Smith. [reference here]
No one interested in Dinosour anymore? hmm.. Dinosour.. maybe back to the world.. haha.. i love to see dinasour in action.. hahaha...